ok...
so it's 3:50 in the AM...i went to bed around 2-ish....my roommate came home drunk and wanted to get something to eat...i thought it best if i took him...fast forward to taco bell's drive-thru window #1:
josh (leaning over me to talk to the guy) -- "hey do you have anything i can take?"...
taco bell guy -- " take?...you can have this" (hands josh paper trash)....
josh -- 'no i want your headset"
tbg -- "you can't have that, it's expensive"
me -- "sorry, he's drunk" ..then i drive to window #2..
josh (to taco bell girl) -- "hey can i have your number?"
taco bell girl -- "uh no..my manager is my boyfriend"
me -- "sorry, he's drunk"
and we drive to the walmart parking lot...
as we eat i ask josh what he wants to get at walmart:
josh -- "arrested"
laughter ensues...
fast forward to walmart...in the toy aisle:
josh (to the walmart guy) -- "hey, can i have your vest?"
walmart guy -- "no"
josh -- "well where can i get one?"
wg -- "you can get one from personnel"
josh -- "where's personnel?"
wg -- "at the back of the store in layaway"
josh (pointing towards back of store) -- "this back of the store?"
wg -- "yes, but i don't think they'll give one to you"
me -- "come one josh let's go look at the action figures"..then to walmart guy "sorry he's drunk"
in the action figure aisle i find some rather large gi joes...i pushed the button on one guy's chest:
me -- "josh!...come look at this guy"
josh enters the aisle after getting distracted by some portly girls...
me -- "push this button and look at his mouth"
josh pushes button and the mouth opens up and mr. joe says something heroic:
josh -- "WHOA...this gi joe is gay!"
josh looks to the walmart guy down the aisle:
josh -- "hey lookit this!...out of the closets and into the streets it's gay joe"
wg laughs
josh -- "don't ask don't tell buddy"
girls walk by again being loud and talking about sex...gay joe is forgotten
to girl #1:
josh -- "hi"
they turn and look but keep walking and talking loudly...
we start to leave and we run into them again towards the exit
josh -- "hi"
girl #1 -- "hey"
we walk by them for a second and then fall back...
girl #1 -- "where are my shoes?"
josh -- "on your FUCKING feet.....sorry"
girl #1 -- i'm going to throw one of them at you...
josh grins...
as we leave walmart they continue to talk to us
girl #1 -- "if you were new in a town would you talk to a fat girl?"
i look at her like she's retarded...not because i would never talk to a fat girl...but it was obvious that she was referring to us talking to them
girl #1 (to josh) -- "are you looking at my breasts?"
josh -- "yes..wait no..i as looking at the left one 'cause i couldn't see the right one"
girl #2 (for the first time) -- "at least he's honest"
josh -- "NOW i'm looking at both of them"
girls laugh...
girls veer off towards their car..josh follows..i follow josh...
josh -- "where are we going"
girl #1 -- "are you drunk?"
josh -- "never!"
girl #1&2 *(at the same time) -- "LIAR!"
josh -- "i would never lie to you"
girls laugh and walk off..josh stops following...
from across the parking lot:
girl #1 -- "you need to work on that thing where you say 'hey'...you know..where you start an actual conversation after that"
josh -- "hey...do you want to fuck me?"
girls #1&2 -- "there ya go"
josh -- "you need to work on that thing where you're fat...you know..where you lose some fucking weight"
then to me while i'm shaking my head "hey we should get in the car and leave before they throw something at us"...
thus our evening ended...
xoxo,
j
ps- i neither condone nor deprecate his actions tonight...i was just there to keep him out of any serious trouble...but he did ask me to remind him about what he said...because he thought he was too drunk to remember in the morning...which is exactly what it is at this moment...fuck i need to go to bed...
so it's 3:50 in the AM...i went to bed around 2-ish....my roommate came home drunk and wanted to get something to eat...i thought it best if i took him...fast forward to taco bell's drive-thru window #1:
josh (leaning over me to talk to the guy) -- "hey do you have anything i can take?"...
taco bell guy -- " take?...you can have this" (hands josh paper trash)....
josh -- 'no i want your headset"
tbg -- "you can't have that, it's expensive"
me -- "sorry, he's drunk" ..then i drive to window #2..
josh (to taco bell girl) -- "hey can i have your number?"
taco bell girl -- "uh no..my manager is my boyfriend"
me -- "sorry, he's drunk"
and we drive to the walmart parking lot...
as we eat i ask josh what he wants to get at walmart:
josh -- "arrested"
laughter ensues...
fast forward to walmart...in the toy aisle:
josh (to the walmart guy) -- "hey, can i have your vest?"
walmart guy -- "no"
josh -- "well where can i get one?"
wg -- "you can get one from personnel"
josh -- "where's personnel?"
wg -- "at the back of the store in layaway"
josh (pointing towards back of store) -- "this back of the store?"
wg -- "yes, but i don't think they'll give one to you"
me -- "come one josh let's go look at the action figures"..then to walmart guy "sorry he's drunk"
in the action figure aisle i find some rather large gi joes...i pushed the button on one guy's chest:
me -- "josh!...come look at this guy"
josh enters the aisle after getting distracted by some portly girls...
me -- "push this button and look at his mouth"
josh pushes button and the mouth opens up and mr. joe says something heroic:
josh -- "WHOA...this gi joe is gay!"
josh looks to the walmart guy down the aisle:
josh -- "hey lookit this!...out of the closets and into the streets it's gay joe"
wg laughs
josh -- "don't ask don't tell buddy"
girls walk by again being loud and talking about sex...gay joe is forgotten
to girl #1:
josh -- "hi"
they turn and look but keep walking and talking loudly...
we start to leave and we run into them again towards the exit
josh -- "hi"
girl #1 -- "hey"
we walk by them for a second and then fall back...
girl #1 -- "where are my shoes?"
josh -- "on your FUCKING feet.....sorry"
girl #1 -- i'm going to throw one of them at you...
josh grins...
as we leave walmart they continue to talk to us
girl #1 -- "if you were new in a town would you talk to a fat girl?"
i look at her like she's retarded...not because i would never talk to a fat girl...but it was obvious that she was referring to us talking to them
girl #1 (to josh) -- "are you looking at my breasts?"
josh -- "yes..wait no..i as looking at the left one 'cause i couldn't see the right one"
girl #2 (for the first time) -- "at least he's honest"
josh -- "NOW i'm looking at both of them"
girls laugh...
girls veer off towards their car..josh follows..i follow josh...
josh -- "where are we going"
girl #1 -- "are you drunk?"
josh -- "never!"
girl #1&2 *(at the same time) -- "LIAR!"
josh -- "i would never lie to you"
girls laugh and walk off..josh stops following...
from across the parking lot:
girl #1 -- "you need to work on that thing where you say 'hey'...you know..where you start an actual conversation after that"
josh -- "hey...do you want to fuck me?"
girls #1&2 -- "there ya go"
josh -- "you need to work on that thing where you're fat...you know..where you lose some fucking weight"
then to me while i'm shaking my head "hey we should get in the car and leave before they throw something at us"...
thus our evening ended...
xoxo,
j
ps- i neither condone nor deprecate his actions tonight...i was just there to keep him out of any serious trouble...but he did ask me to remind him about what he said...because he thought he was too drunk to remember in the morning...which is exactly what it is at this moment...fuck i need to go to bed...
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kourt