deathbydawn

i miss having consant access to the mystical inter-web. i feel so cut off without it.

plus i can't dick around on suicide girls for an unhealthy amount of time like i used to...

*sigh*

these things happen, i suppose.

the real, and unfortunate, inevitablility however, is the immaturity of the people involved.

oh well, my faith in people is about as strong as my faith in god these days.

xmas is over! it's an xmas time miracle!!!


now all that's left to cope with are the few redundant xmas sale commercials, some new after xmas sale commercials, and two work parties. and then...

gone are the days of xmas, yule, or presents. no more feliz navidad, ho ho ho, or seasons greetings. not for some time will i hear about holiday tidings, (fleeting) good...
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bah humbug. i hate this time of year. at least it's almost over. each year, another god awful celebration of the american dollar comes and goes, and i have not been sad to watch it's passing since i was a very young child.

being the son of pastors in the salvation can really sour you opinion of x-mas much earlier than your typical, post adolescent...
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wow...

these times are tough. i have no friends. no love life. no real, achievable aspirations.

i like crosswords, and i hope to, one day, be involved in film.

big fucking deal.

when i am dead and gone, i hope i will be found again.

i wonder what dating people you don't have any knowledge of is like... i have gone to hang out with women that asked me to and i didn't know whom i was sure wanted to try and date me, but not quite on 'date' terms. and i have never really had any desire to ask a women out that i don't know... i mean, i...
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and what's the point of all of this?

i don't know why it weirds me out, but it does. how can someone like her go on 'dates' with people she doesn't know? i had figured that she would be out with other people while i was gone, but just some dude? it doesn't make sense... it makes me wonder if i have gotten ahead of...
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i blew it. i told her something i should not have.

i didn't make her mad, and i didn't make her uncomfortable. but this is still all blowing up in my face.

i always prided myself on being open and honest, and it had seemed to work well so far. but now, i think i should have lied through omission.

p.s.

the pool tournament is going to be so god damn awesome it will melt your face.

slow and steady wins the race...

...or at least gets you (eventually) closer to your goal.

she asks me "how? how do you not want any of these other girls that want you? how do you only want me?"

"i just don't give a fuck. these women are fucking children."

and then i think her brain clicked. i think she got it. i think she...
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another day... today it was surprisingly easy to wake up. perhaps it is the new room... or perhaps i am just undergoing a change. i want things to be different for me, i want things to be fulfilling not because i, personally, can be fulfilled with so little substance, but because i have so much to live for that i can't help but be satisfied....
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