Im so mad! I wanted to go to Tori , but I have to work.
That might be a good thing though, because Im almost postive I would run into my ex of 5 years there. We went to the previous 2 Tori Amos concerts together. We have been broken up for a year ( tried to get back together for a couple of months, didnt work) but I still battle with these painful feelings.
I just feel like I put so much time and heart into that relationship that now Im left with nothing but the memory. I feel she robbed me of so many things.
I cant listin to music that we liked to together without breaking down. I cant even hear friends mention her without getting teary eyed. Its allot better now, after resorting to Kaiser to help! lol Drugs and talking to a
shrink. Im better now, I get down on myself though.
Mad at myself for crying or this constant movie of our 5 years together in my head. I feel I should be stronger than this, Im supposed to be this crazy punk rock drummer and my friends see me cry and think "WTF?" oh well
It sucks because I feel I have sooo much love to give and nobody to give it to. For a over a year now I have been alone. Which I think was a good Idea for me. My shrink said that most guys, after something like this run out and get back into a relationship and it goes to shit real fast. It sucks though, not having someone special to share your feeling with and not to mention sex! I havent had it in a year! Fuck i cant believe I wrote that ! oh well I have the oppertunity but passed it by because without some connection , for me its just useless.
The good thing that has come out of this Is I know
what to do and what NOT to do next time. I cant wait to find someone I love because I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt , I will try to be the best partner I could possibly be. This seems to be very important to me as I think about it everyday. I used to be terrified of marriage and kids, but now its all I think about.
God, am I getting old or something?
Well , I cant believe I wrote all of that! LOL
Its the truth though!
*bryan*
That might be a good thing though, because Im almost postive I would run into my ex of 5 years there. We went to the previous 2 Tori Amos concerts together. We have been broken up for a year ( tried to get back together for a couple of months, didnt work) but I still battle with these painful feelings.
I just feel like I put so much time and heart into that relationship that now Im left with nothing but the memory. I feel she robbed me of so many things.
I cant listin to music that we liked to together without breaking down. I cant even hear friends mention her without getting teary eyed. Its allot better now, after resorting to Kaiser to help! lol Drugs and talking to a
shrink. Im better now, I get down on myself though.
Mad at myself for crying or this constant movie of our 5 years together in my head. I feel I should be stronger than this, Im supposed to be this crazy punk rock drummer and my friends see me cry and think "WTF?" oh well
It sucks because I feel I have sooo much love to give and nobody to give it to. For a over a year now I have been alone. Which I think was a good Idea for me. My shrink said that most guys, after something like this run out and get back into a relationship and it goes to shit real fast. It sucks though, not having someone special to share your feeling with and not to mention sex! I havent had it in a year! Fuck i cant believe I wrote that ! oh well I have the oppertunity but passed it by because without some connection , for me its just useless.
The good thing that has come out of this Is I know
what to do and what NOT to do next time. I cant wait to find someone I love because I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt , I will try to be the best partner I could possibly be. This seems to be very important to me as I think about it everyday. I used to be terrified of marriage and kids, but now its all I think about.
God, am I getting old or something?
Well , I cant believe I wrote all of that! LOL
Its the truth though!
*bryan*
joscelyne:
You have no one to give your love to?!?! Why do I find that so difficult to believe...