dearlycorrupted

"december, i am in montana. there are trees, grass, and bodies of water, men in flannel and women in SUVs, all of it surrounded by a bitter loneliness. i write to still the madness- but why still the madness? it's what drives me after all. in the lamplight my scars are shiny and obscene. none of this is coming out right. i suspect my circuits...
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montana is a welcome respite, but things aren't going well. i'm eating more than i want to (i had crackers and peanut butter today, a salad with dressing and croutons and ice cream.) i will probably not see rex while i am here, which means another year is going to pass without me coming within reaching distance of him. and everything feels lonely...

i'd go...
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so, i'm off to montana for 10 days.

whether or not i will see rex is still up in the air. he's broke, and i'm broke, and god fucking dammit even when i travel 2000 miles we're still 600 miles away from each other.

it's 7:30, and only 88 degrees... bordering on 89. for the moment.

i dreamed all last night that i was at...
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so this person. they're calling from an 800 number. they've called my house twice in ten minutes and i'm wondering what all the fuss is about. i haven't the faintest fucking idea who they could be, which is probably the only reason i'm not answering the phone. if it's that important, why not leave a message? perhaps they're a telemarketer, and, knowing that leaving a...
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note to everyone who gave a shit: all crises were averted when i tore my room apart and found my wallet shoved under my bed. methinks it got there when i hurled my backpack onto the floor. this, as you can imagine, averts all sorts of problems for me.

monsoon season is coming, apparently. the cum-splatter of rain we had the other night is only...
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so i've lost my fucking wallet.

i didn't realise what a drastic situation this was until i realised that everything i need to survive is in that wallet. not money (i had about $6 in there) but my driver's license, social security card, and check card especially.

especially since i have a million things debiting off that card. god dammit.

*goes to blow own brains...
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written 30 january, 2004:

"we were given an essay in english class today to read as an example of description. this is how it went (sans capitalisation):
'the big one' by rebecca mutch
with a final crack of a bat and a lofting fly ball, baseball ended for the year. the last swirl of water gurgling down the drain of the community pool marked the...
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note: wal-mart brand iced sugar cookies taste exactly like lofthouse brand iced sugar cookies and they are half the price. for the sake of economy, i suggest you purchase some now. the pink ones.

my mother has long since been worried that i'll become an alcoholic. she's 'in recovery' herself, has been for about eight years now. i believe this preoccupation started when she read...
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the sky is black with clouds and it's still 115 degrees outside.

as far as life is concerned...
there is a large, sickly purple bruise on my hip. it does not hurt. i wonder how it got there.
my body is reeling with the pleasant aftereffects of good sex after a long dry spell. (in all truth it has not been super dry. but since i had sex twice with a queer and once with rob, who...
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