dearlycorrupted

bleh. it's ten to three a.m. i spent my birthday night at the biz downtown here, a gay club, with my (lesbian) friend tammy and my (straight) friends shawn and amanda. it was, i have to admit, utterly dull. i got sufficiently pissed, but the only action i saw was grinning at a few people and having some fat black girl fondle my boobs. she told me i had a big ass. i think she meant it as a compliment, but i wonder... i couldn't see very well by then as it was.

so right after i went and took all these new photos of myself, i dyed my hair dark reddish-brown, which looks good, and lopped most of it off, kind of on accident. i was going to trim it and went to take about an inch off the front, and instead ended up taking off like 3 inches. it's like, at my ears now. i look like a flapper. it suits me, i guess, but i still wish i could edit > undo everything that happened tonight. it'll grow...

and i talked to rex. he said he had been busy and that he wasn't angry but that's all i got out of him. when i do see him, if i see him when i go to montana, we're going to have to make up for lost time.

i can taste bailey's in my mouth. i'm having ice cream.

so tonight wasn't an unqualified failure but i managed to lend tammy $20, so lord knows if i'll get that back. i also got home without being picked up by the cops.

i wish things could be significant for me. i wish i could make a big deal out of things. in a way, my not being able to do so is a good thing, it signifies being laid back. but on the other hand nothing is special. nothing surprises me anymore. i'm utterly numb.