dear

Hello there! It can be really hard to talk about our own challenges and to pinpoint them but identifying the problem is a HUGE step in the right direction to being able to take control back. First I want to say that I am so proud of you for being responsible for your own feelings and actions, I believe you can get to the point of not letting them control you. You have already done the hardest part of self reflecting, be careful not to judge yourself too harshly in this area though, it is a delicate balancing act between taking personal responsibility and self flagellating. We all struggle with maintaining control in our lives and different factors that try to sway us in one direction or another.

I am not a doctor but I can relate my personal experience with anxiety, in non-doctoral terms. I am an anxious person by nature, I always have a contingency plan and know where the emergency exit is, you know just in case, but I have managed to keep it in check and use the skills born of my anxiety to my advantage, my McGuyver skills are mad. I also streamline everything for easiest absorption, so without going into too much personal details and to try to distill this HUGE issue I have spent over two decades actively trying to get a hold on into helpful nuggets...

So here is my bullet pointed path to what has helped me get a handle on my anxiety:

• The first thing about getting over anxiety is getting yourself out of any really dangerous situations where your anxiety is necessary as a survival skill, and not putting yourself into dangerous situations where it would be necessary.

• Meditation/medication - finding a calm center that you can retreat to, and adjusting to life knowing that you are okay. Adjusting to your new safer situation.

• Identifying your particular boogey men, so that they can not control you anymore. Therapy/Trips by yourself/Hour a day of self reflecting - however you can safely get there.

• Grieving the situations that made the anxiety necessary, and just acknowledging that it was fucked up and sucks that you were in that situation. I am sorry, you didn’t deserve it but thankfully you survived and have beautiful things to share with the world. Identifying why you reacted the way that you did and reconciling that you acted the best you could in that situation, BUT it isn't a necessary reaction for most situations. Don’t let past situations rule you any more.

• Forgive yourself for your past reactions, freakouts, fuckups. Live with the fact that we are human and we all make mistakes and act inappropriately sometimes and that you are doing your best. Anxiety is a part of life and you will not ever be rid of it entirely but it doesn’t need to stop you. You will continue to make mistakes, everyone does. It is how we learn from our mistakes that define our character.

• I know giving advice to apologize is passé but to me being able to apologize allows me to reset, I acknowledge my fuckup and am able to move on instead of dwelling and compounding the problem. I do see the rub though of women apologizing more than men, but I teach my boys to apologize and I think it is still a pretty great tool when used appropriately. So take that one with a pinch of restraint.

I wish you nothing but happiness and success at the end of your adventures. I feel for your challenges but know that you are capable of great things if you persevere! Share what makes you uniquely you with the world and try to have fun doing so.

xoxo

- @missy

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