deadish

wow, thanks for all your comments people, why cant you all come and live in my town? I'll give you a job!!

I've been working at the cinema all weekend, kinda nice actually cos I had the booth to my self and nothing went disasterously wrong, plus I got chance to cut wood for the little pieces of furniture for the set I'm building for this animation. But I was thinking that maybe I should go to my tutors and say that I'm switiching my idea to a live action piece. all the live action films I shot last year I made over 3 or 4 days, no stress, not much effort but a 2.1 or 1st for every single one. I think my only other choice is to shelve the degree for a year which I don't want to do. I just can't motivate myself to make this one and it's constantly on my mind that I should be dedicating time and work to it.
And then I started thinking that maybe I should just drop out all together. The only reason I'm doing it is to please my mum and compete with my brothers. It's been a really disappointing course, just no challenge in it whatsoever (hense the business).
In fact I have been thinking heaps and heaps of stuff today. About other things I want to do with my life, all the places I want to spend time living and working in, I want to learn french and more about computers or science. It would also be cool to do something political cos I am so sick of all the apathy and irresponsibility and greedy crap that makes me hate this city but I'm so not ready for that cos I know that right now I dont care enough to really believe I could change anyones mind about anything.
I also want to do stupid meaningless things but i have the fear right now. grrr
oh and paddy is scaring me, he gave me the rent and has seemed to catch on to the fact that we are moving on his own and that I was pretty angry at being kept waiting. does this mean he has heard me bitching about him?!!! I feel bad