Hi @missy, @rambo, loyal friends and followers, random stumble uponers. I'm here to write up another blog homework...
3 Things Everyone Should Know How To Do (or as I prefer 3 Things Everyone Should Learn)
[WARNING: these are pretty profound things... not trivial like knowing how to cook, how to drive and such. Not that those skills aren't worth knowing, just that I think these three things are essential to a good, happy, fulfilling life.]
While I was in college earning my BS in Geology at Mississippi State University (#HAILSTATE and GO DAWGS! oh, sorry, not sorry), my family moved from Santa Clarita, California where I grew up to a small town in Alabama (Fayette). Fayette, as I like to say, is 45 miles from anywhere: 45 miles north of Tuscaloosa, Alabama; 45 miles east of Columbus, Mississippi; and 45 miles southwest of Jasper, Alabama. Fayette, as I said, is a small town. When I lived there, there was no McDonalds, though they got one after I moved away. Our culinary choices for dining out were Hardee's (known as Carl's Jr. in the western US), Jack's (not Jack in the Box), Pizza Hut, LB's (a locally owned, non-franchise BBQ restaurant, which I heard closed some time ago) and a cafeteria style restaurant that didn't last long.
For entertainment... well there wasn't any really. Someone tried to open a miniature golf/arcade/snack bar, but it didn't last long. High school sports, junior college basketball and baseball, and summer softball leagues. That was pretty much it. No Walmart... if memory serves me, there was a TG&Y, the 60s predecessor to Kmart, Walmart and Target. Strangely, this little town of less than 5,000 people (maybe twice that in the entire county) had 3 grocery stores though Winn Dixie closed years ago.
Oh, and I should mention it was (and probably still is) a dry county. For those who don't know what that means, it means there are no alcohol sales in the county anywhere.
So, if you want to do anything: movies, bowling, shopping at the mall, restaurant dining, really... anything... you have to drive 45 miles in any direction to do it. If you want alcohol, you have to drive south to the Tuscaloosa/Fayette county line.
My family moved there in early 1983. I graduated from Mississippi State University in December 1984. We moved back to Southern California in November of 1986. For those two years after college living in Fayette, Alabama, working as a cook (and sometimes server) at Pizza Hut and a Jack of All Trades at Winn Dixie, I had very few friends. I had co-workers, who were friends but I've never been one to hang out much with co-workers during off work time, though it was difficult not to in Fayette. Although I went to church fairly regularly (mainly so I was eligible to play on the church softball team), I didn't socialize with anyone from church much either, except for softball practice and games.
In Fayette, I had very few friends that I hung out with. I dated Jessica, whom I met working at Hardee's, for a Year or so, until she "cheated" on me while we were engaged. Well, I never knew for sure if she cheated on me, but I know she dated someone else behind my back. I dated another girl, Sherry, who worked at Winn Dixie, for about a month. But she broke it off. She wasn't ready to date so soon after her engagement ended. I hung out a bit with Lewis, with whom I worked for a while at Pizza Hut. And I hung out with Tommy, who I met working at Hardee's, and his wife Angie. Tommy was my best friend in Fayette. We both like heavy metal music and we both play guitar. I'd go over to his house and jam sometimes. Sometimes we'd just sit around and talk or watch television. We're still friends today, even though we haven't seen each other and rarely spoken to each other since 1992.
So, you're probably wondering what all this has to do with this blog homework: 3 Things I Think Everyone Should Learn/Know How to Do. Well, here's the rub. During the summers of 1983 and 1984 when I was home from college and after graduation in 1985-1986, I spent A LOT of time by myself because I had few friends in Fayette. I did spend time alone before that in high school and junior college too, but not nearly as much. Whether that was at home watching television and movies, reading, practicing guitar, doing chores, playing video games, listening to music, driving to Tuscaloosa to go bowling, shopping or going to the movie theater by myself. So here's #1...
#1 Learn to Enjoy Being Alone
That is, learn to be comfortable with yourself and being alone. Learn to have fun doing things by yourself. There is no reason why you can't go to the movies by yourself. There's no reason why you can't go shopping by yourself. If you need opinions on the clothes you try on, ask a salesperson... you're often more likely to get an honest answer out of them than someone you know. Go bowling by yourself. Go do all kinds of stuff by yourself. Hang out at home, watch TV, watch movies, read, cultivate some hobbies, play video games... all stuff you can do by yourself. You'll never find yourself bored again.
When you are comfortable with yourself and being alone, you learn to love yourself. And you ABSOLUTELY MUST love yourself to love someone else and expect them to love you for who you are.
It's during this time, I began to not care about what people thought of me and whether or not they liked. If you like me and want to be my friend, great! No, that's okay too. But the way I see it is that it's your loss not mine, because I know who I am, what kind of person I am and what kind of friend I am. I know that sounds kind of snobbish, but once I learned this valuable lesson, I no longer stressed out over whether or not I had friends and whether or not people liked me. It also meant that the friends I did/do have are good friends... the kind of friends who are there for you when you need them any time of day or night. The kind of friends who are still friends even when you don't talk to them in years... you pick back up like you saw them yesterday. In short, being alone I learned to like and love myself... and I learned that although I may be alone, I'm never truly lonely. I could be the last person on earth or live as a hermit and not be lonely (not that I want to, just saying that I could).
#2 Be Adaptable, Even Initiate, Change When Needed
What I mean by this is one of my favorite things to tell people when they are unhappy or ask for advice: "If you're not happy with your current situation [your job, your significant other, the way you look, where you live, whatever], CHANGE IT." AND I CERTAINLY DON'T MEAN SUICIDE! If you are having suicidal thoughts, tell someone. Get help. Nothing is so bad that suicide is the solution.
You, and no one else, controls your happiness. If you're unhappy, change whatever is making you unhappy so that you can be happy. If you're unhappy with your job, go find a new one. If you don't like the career you're in, learn to do something else. If you don't like the way you look, do something about it. If you don't like where you live, go live somewhere else... a new apartment or house, a new town/city, a new country. Whatever is making you unhappy, change it. Life is too short to go through it unhappy, wallowing in self-pity and complaining about it to anyone within earshot. You won't make any friends that way, and you'll drive away the ones you have. You, AND ONLY YOU, control your happiness. If you are unhappy, CHANGE whatever is making you unhappy.
#3 In the Immortal Words of Bill S. Preston, Esquire and Ted "Theodore" Logan [aka Bill & Ted], "Be Excellent to Each Other"
Be kind to others. Be respectful to others. Show courtesy to others. Start with a smile. Tomorrow, smile to at least one stranger. Then two, then three. Then smile at everyone you meet for an entire day. Then do that every day. It's a simple act of kindness, but it will make you feel better and it'll brighten the day a bit for those at whom you smile. Without a doubt, the world would be a much better place if everyone was nicer, kinder and more respectful toward each other. So, "Be excellent to each other."
And if everyone does that, then we can have one helluva most excellent party. "PARTY ON DUDES!"
BONUS: [a little tongue in cheek...] Know How to Wipe Your Ass with Your Non-Dominant Hand
Seriously! You never know when you might not have the use of the arm/hand that you normally use to wipe your ass. You really don't want to have other people wipe your ass for you as long as your able to. Do you?
So there are my 3 Essential Things Everyone Should Know How to Do/Learn to Do (plus a bonus).
Stay Tuned...
DeadGuitarist
