deadfishies

Shit...too much shit. Too many problems...too much pain.
This weekend has been the nightmare from hell!
First a swingers party, absolutely a bad idea.
Then an argument, some persuading, lots of confusion and hurt, and a conclusion that I was lesbian.
Then a night without sleep, days without food, and pain that won't go away.
Then calm conversation, decision not to be lesbian, and be together with Josh.
A decision to work on it, work on us, and perhaps maybe be open.
Open to other experiences, open to new things...just fucking open.
And my heart, still being mended, is all his.
But my body, well I can safely say that my body, never in control, is not mine.
My body has a mind of its own.
Actually, my mind has a mind has a mind of its own.
And I have no control whatsoever!