deadfishies

Today is my birthday, I'm 21, and so far I'm not drunk...I'm not sure if thats good or bad. Its not the worst birthday, but its not the best. So far, only two people have called me to say happy birthday, two people facebooked me, and my boyfriend gave me some cool gifts, including a membership to suicidegirls.com. The day is gray, and kind of sad looking, and there's not really much to look forward to. Being 21 seems no different than being 20, or 19, or even 18. I feel about 18, I look 18, and I don't like this power to buy my own drinks. I don't feel like I'm grown up enough to buy my own drinks.
My family has been so preocupied from our new family crisis, I'm surprised my mother even found the time to call me at the crack of dawn this morning. I don't expect my father to call me, and I don't expect anything from anyone actually. Kind of depressing, and I know I sound like I'm feeling bad for myself, but for some reason I can't help it. There's no sun, no exciting adventures, no friends, no bubbly feeling in my tummy. Actually, I kind of feel like sleeping, and not giving a shit.
Josh is right, I am a loner. Do I care? Not really, but I wish I could make him happier, seeing as it is our year anniversary.
I'm just tired of life in general. Maybe someone will call me later today, but I don't count on it. I just count on being as depressed as I was yesterday.