deaddopedoll

ugh....im having one of those days where nothing emotionally goes right for me. october is a pretty big drinking month with many festivities to attend...and with me training it's hard to pick and choose. I seriously hate the fact that there are some people who can just party without subcutanious fat penalties arriving. Sometimes i miss the part of me that didnt give a fuck with her middle finger in the air closing bars everynight and being free...i also remember the down side to that girl who hated who she was...but you see...i still hate who i am right now so has not drinking really achieved anything except making me more miserable? 1 week ago i was 34 days sober 5 days a week in a gym and in those 34 days...not 1 pound was lost. WHAT THE FUCK MORE DOES IT TAKE? and the question is...do i really have it in me anymore?...i dont enjoy watching everyone else. i feel like im missing out and i hate it.