So a funny thing happened the other day when I was coming back from the grocery store. Trader Joe's is like 2 blocks away from my place, and right before you get to Trader Joe's there's like this sex shop place--I ain't never been in it or nothing.

But anyway.

I go to TJ's and come out with my sacks of goodies, and as I'm walking home some dude comes out of the place; you know, whatever. I don't really care what this guy bought, but he seemed really nervous--and people get curious--so naturally I took a look at his little blue bag that was a little see through.

It looked harmless enough, a little box thing, and I was almost 100% positive it was a VHS porn. Which sounds normal enough, until I realized who the fuck buys VHS porn--who buys any VHS at all? They don't even release new movies on VHS, I can't get Star Wars Episode 3 on VHS unless it's bootleg.

So then I try and figure this guy out. Maybe he can't afford a DVD player, but this guy was wearing a suit, and he had a nice car that he ended up driving off in. This was making me crazy.

I mean, who the hell buys analog porn?! In this day and age. What a fucking weirdo.

Then I realized, this has got to be some weird fetish thing that they don't make anymore. Like some limited edition porn that he needed to complete his set. Or, like I said, some totally crazy porn that didn't make it into the DVD revolution.

The kind of porn that would make you totally nervous if a normal guy (for the sake of argument, that's me) is walking home with his groceries right behind you and had totally figured out your disgusting secret.

I think I figured it out. Man, what a fucking weirdo, huh?