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davonshire

Canada

Member Since 2005

Followers 9 Following 19

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Saturday Feb 18, 2006

Feb 18, 2006
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I am not one for wanting to know what the future brings, even though I do like to plan ahead. I am pretty good at taking life as it comes and managing on a day to day basis. But right now, I would give anything for just a peek at the next few months... say, as far forward as September. If it were September, I would know which school I am attending, I would know what apartment I am living in, I will know what province I am in, and I will know if I am really cut out for this grad school thing after all. (I would also know the results of the NFL draft, and know whether my Jets have even half a shot this year :p)

All Existence is suffering,
suffering is caused by craving,
cravings can be ended
by following the Eight Fold Path

That is the four noble truths of Buddhism, a belief system I am becoming more and more intrigued with. It certainly sums up some of my current situation... I am craving knowledge of what has not yet happened. It is making me nervous, anxious, angry, tired and frustrated. More so, in following Buddhist doctrine, my cravings have to do with the belief that I have a permanent self, which, according to Buddhism, I do not have, but because I think I do, I suffer. The me that is now will not be the same me that is then...



If I abide by all of these, then I can end my suffering... do you suppose that is really true? I guess my illusion is that I already live by those things. Perhaps Ineed to live by the precepts as well? But I would make a lousy monk, I like sex too much...

Ultimately, I don't really believe in reincarnation either. I believe we have this one shot to get it right... what I don't understand is why, through every attempt, there is only more challenges, more adversity, more disfunction? Why can't things just be.... righ, for once? To have everything functioning in harmony with everything else in my life... I htought I had it once, but it slipped from my grasp and I was left with a heavy heart and an empty home... I grow weary of character building experiences and all I really want is to settle into a regular paying gig where I can clear up my debts, be able to come home to a happy and safe household, curl up next to the one I love and eventually drift into peaceful slumber.
atomh8:
lol. so your doing the grad school thing too huh? I was thinking about it but have decided to hold off for the time being. What are you trying to go for, and where?

As for the more philosophical bit, the way I see it is that the struggle (or the suffering) is confirmation of existence. If you ceased to struggle, if you ever did achieve harmony, you wouldn't exist (in a strictly existential sense). smile
Feb 19, 2006

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