davidjett

Rapper Jay-Z is boycotting Cristal, the high-end champagne favored by hip-hoppers with too much money and too little taste. Seems a company spokesperson made some comments in a interview that made it seem that they were less than pleased with getting all the attention from rappers.

"It has come to my attention that the managing director of Cristal, Frederic Rouzaud views the `hip-hop' culture as 'unwelcome attention,'" Jay-Z said. "I view his comments as racist and will no longer support any of his products through any of my various brands including the 40/40 Club nor in my personal life." Jay-Z plans to replace Cristal which a club spokesman said it could never stock enough of with Krug and Dom Perignon at the Manhattan and Atlantic City locations of his 40/40 Club.

What is it with the Cristal in the first place? It's kinda like when Elvis first got a lot of money and decided to decorate Graceland in a way that looked like what a hick who just got a lot of money thought was stylish. Champagne, and I don't care if it's a $10 or $500 bottle of it, is a crappy drink. It tastes like shit and champagne will give you the worst hang-over of anything this side of Maddog 20/20. And don't even get me started on the putrid taste of gin and juice.

How about a nice bourbon, instead (whiskey being a real man's drink...champagne is, of course, a girls drink or something you shoot at a wedding until you can make it over to the bar for a real cocktail.) Maybe a fine wine. If you want an expensive drink, try some cognac or a premium scotch. Hell, just have a nice cold beer.

Just because you become a millionaire and start drinking Cristal, that doesn't mean you have style. "I'm gonna bust a cap in your ass...as soon as I take a sip of this bubbly confection!" Anyway you slice it, champagne is a girly drink. And if you sit around sipping it, you're a bitch. Turns out Jay-Z does, indeed, have a hundred problems. Hey, Jay-Z, do you want an umbrella in that drink? Maybe some finger sandwiches?

What's next? Is some Nascar driver gonna boycott Coors? Well, at least rappers can now devote more time to lyrics about SUV's...someone pass me the Jack Daniels, please.