Rock Rule #1: You cannot replace the lead singer in your band unless people can name at least three other people in the band. And you really have to do it before you get famous. And, really, just come up with another name
for the band.
There are some bands who replaced their lead singer and then went on to greater success. Styx replaced a guy whose name I don't even remember with Dennis DeYoung and rocked the Paradise. AC/DC replaced a dead singer and
shook us all night long. Van Halen got a free
pass for a couple of years with Sammy Hagar.
On the flip side: Survivor had "Eye of the Tiger," replaced that guy with Memphis jingle singer Jimmy Jamieson, and, well, Jimmy still sang a lot of jingles. Natalie Merchant left 10,000 Maniacs and the rest of the band had the nerve to put out a cd with a new singer...didn't really light up the charts.
Then we get the celebrity fill-ins. The lead singer of the Cult fulfills a dream and fronts the New Doors, bringing his Jim Morrison impersonation to a new level. This month sees
Todd Rundgren fronting the New Cars, singing the parts for the absent Rick Ocasek and the deceased Ben Orr. And if you're just a fourth cousin of an Allman or a Van Zant, you'll be singing Whipping Post or Freebird in some
Arkansas town before too long.
Last year CBS premiered the tv show Rock Star in which the members of INXS held a nation-wide search for a new lead singer. No celebrity fill-in. No Paul Rodgers singing Queen songs, my friend. They were going for the Next Big Thing. Some up and coming young buck to sing their old songs and help them pick up new checks and new chicks on their
casino tour. Guys, finding the "next big thing" ain't gonna do you no good when you've lost the "One Thing." The thing that made your band what it was. In this case, Michael Hutchence. JD Summer, the winner of the contest and a former Elvis impersonator, is lame. And so are your chances of ever making it big again. And what does poor JD get out of
this? Fifteen mintues of fame and a lifetime of playing fifteen feet from a Tilt-A-Whirl.
And now that the new INXS cd went over with the public about as well as an Indigo Girls cd at Dick Cheney's house, we're faced with CBS Rock Star 2. Somebody's looking for a new lead singer. Somebody's looking to take an unknown
and make him/her a star. Somebody is looking to get on a tv station that isn't VH1 Classic.
Rumors flew hot and heavy the last few weeks that Van Halen, a band who has had more lead singers than Wynonna Ryder, were going back to the well one more time. David Lee Roth, ironically playing Sammy Hagar to Howard Stern
these days, killed the rumors.
The group looking for a singer? Supernova. Never heard of them? Let me tell you who's in this new band. Tommy Lee on drums and video fucking. Jason Newsted from Metallica on bass and pouting. Gilby Clarke from Guns N Roses on
the dole. All three play lead pussy.
Gilby Clarke was quoted as saying, "Rock and Roll is so alive! And I'm so excited to be a part of CBS's Rock Star!" Well, I knew rock and roll was still alive. Gilby Clarke, I wasn't
so sure of...
This will be bad. And, yes, I will watch. It's going to be a train wreck. And I've got a request I would like to put in to CBS: please, please, with pour some sugar on me on top...somehow get Axel Rose to audition.
for the band.
There are some bands who replaced their lead singer and then went on to greater success. Styx replaced a guy whose name I don't even remember with Dennis DeYoung and rocked the Paradise. AC/DC replaced a dead singer and
shook us all night long. Van Halen got a free
pass for a couple of years with Sammy Hagar.
On the flip side: Survivor had "Eye of the Tiger," replaced that guy with Memphis jingle singer Jimmy Jamieson, and, well, Jimmy still sang a lot of jingles. Natalie Merchant left 10,000 Maniacs and the rest of the band had the nerve to put out a cd with a new singer...didn't really light up the charts.
Then we get the celebrity fill-ins. The lead singer of the Cult fulfills a dream and fronts the New Doors, bringing his Jim Morrison impersonation to a new level. This month sees
Todd Rundgren fronting the New Cars, singing the parts for the absent Rick Ocasek and the deceased Ben Orr. And if you're just a fourth cousin of an Allman or a Van Zant, you'll be singing Whipping Post or Freebird in some
Arkansas town before too long.
Last year CBS premiered the tv show Rock Star in which the members of INXS held a nation-wide search for a new lead singer. No celebrity fill-in. No Paul Rodgers singing Queen songs, my friend. They were going for the Next Big Thing. Some up and coming young buck to sing their old songs and help them pick up new checks and new chicks on their
casino tour. Guys, finding the "next big thing" ain't gonna do you no good when you've lost the "One Thing." The thing that made your band what it was. In this case, Michael Hutchence. JD Summer, the winner of the contest and a former Elvis impersonator, is lame. And so are your chances of ever making it big again. And what does poor JD get out of
this? Fifteen mintues of fame and a lifetime of playing fifteen feet from a Tilt-A-Whirl.
And now that the new INXS cd went over with the public about as well as an Indigo Girls cd at Dick Cheney's house, we're faced with CBS Rock Star 2. Somebody's looking for a new lead singer. Somebody's looking to take an unknown
and make him/her a star. Somebody is looking to get on a tv station that isn't VH1 Classic.
Rumors flew hot and heavy the last few weeks that Van Halen, a band who has had more lead singers than Wynonna Ryder, were going back to the well one more time. David Lee Roth, ironically playing Sammy Hagar to Howard Stern
these days, killed the rumors.
The group looking for a singer? Supernova. Never heard of them? Let me tell you who's in this new band. Tommy Lee on drums and video fucking. Jason Newsted from Metallica on bass and pouting. Gilby Clarke from Guns N Roses on
the dole. All three play lead pussy.
Gilby Clarke was quoted as saying, "Rock and Roll is so alive! And I'm so excited to be a part of CBS's Rock Star!" Well, I knew rock and roll was still alive. Gilby Clarke, I wasn't
so sure of...
This will be bad. And, yes, I will watch. It's going to be a train wreck. And I've got a request I would like to put in to CBS: please, please, with pour some sugar on me on top...somehow get Axel Rose to audition.