davey

Sometimes I like to lie about my past, alluding to sordid affairs, hardcore lawbreaking, and rebellious destruction. Sometimes, I don't even try that hard and lie about stupid things. In actuality, I'm really not that interesting.

This is the truth: I watch American Idol with my mom. Seriously. I like math, and afternoon naps with my boyfriend are the highlight of my day. I got my first pet when I moved out: a goldfish named Tom Jones, because of his funny hairstyle. He died quickly, and I blame it on the other goldfish I brought home that week, Burt Reynolds-- he looked like he had a black mustache-- who tried to eat him. Jerk. I have a guinea pig now, named Arthur Fonzarelli, whom we affectionately call The Fonz, but he's at my mom's house, and I miss him terribly. I was in AFJROTC in high school, commander of the drill team.
I've never been out of the country, even though I once told my core [western civ, and I really don't know why the call it Core] class that as a post-graduation BFF trip, I headed south of the border with my homegirls, got arrested, and had to stay in a shitty Mexican jail for two weeks while I waited for my dears to raise enough money to get me out of there. Soy milk makes me puke. I mean really, my poor body just can't take it.

Shit.