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By assuming that the speed of light is the same in all inertial reference frames, Einstein showed the speed of light to be the cosmic speed limit. Actually, only massless particles can reach this limit, because an infinite amount of energy is needed to accelerate a massive object (and a penis is a massive object) up to the speed of light. It is possible to persist with the calculations at the speed of light, but this invariably leads to paradoxes, such as a penis having no apparent length, and therefore semen travelling through a penis with no apparent length. According to the semen, time stops, and space contracts down to two dimensions. Obviously, it is more realistic to consider the scenario of ejaculation at speeds arbitrarily close to the speed of light.
At such speeds, the relativistic velocity addition formula applies. Suppose your boyfriend has been training his Kegel muscles and he can achieve a speed of ejaculation of 2% the speed of light. Then, if he is to ejaculate while thrusting inwards at 99% the speed of light, his semen will be travelling not at 101% the speed of light as common sense would suggest, but rather at 99.04% the speed of light. This relativistic semen will then be decelerated to about 94.2% the speed of light as it escapes the gravitational pull of the penis.
An average ejaculation produces approximately two teaspoons of semen (this amount decreases with age, and increases with time since last ejaculation). Anyway, two teaspoons of semen travelling at 94.2% the speed of light will create enormous air resistance, which will heat up the semen in the same fashion as a spaceship re-entering the Earth's atmosphere. The semen will burst into flames almost instantaneously, creating deafening sonic booms in its wake.
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By assuming that the speed of light is the same in all inertial reference frames, Einstein showed the speed of light to be the cosmic speed limit. Actually, only massless particles can reach this limit, because an infinite amount of energy is needed to accelerate a massive object (and a penis is a massive object) up to the speed of light. It is possible to persist with the calculations at the speed of light, but this invariably leads to paradoxes, such as a penis having no apparent length, and therefore semen travelling through a penis with no apparent length. According to the semen, time stops, and space contracts down to two dimensions. Obviously, it is more realistic to consider the scenario of ejaculation at speeds arbitrarily close to the speed of light.
At such speeds, the relativistic velocity addition formula applies. Suppose your boyfriend has been training his Kegel muscles and he can achieve a speed of ejaculation of 2% the speed of light. Then, if he is to ejaculate while thrusting inwards at 99% the speed of light, his semen will be travelling not at 101% the speed of light as common sense would suggest, but rather at 99.04% the speed of light. This relativistic semen will then be decelerated to about 94.2% the speed of light as it escapes the gravitational pull of the penis.
An average ejaculation produces approximately two teaspoons of semen (this amount decreases with age, and increases with time since last ejaculation). Anyway, two teaspoons of semen travelling at 94.2% the speed of light will create enormous air resistance, which will heat up the semen in the same fashion as a spaceship re-entering the Earth's atmosphere. The semen will burst into flames almost instantaneously, creating deafening sonic booms in its wake.
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VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
coco:
http://www.craigslist.org/sfc/mis/48932304.html
liquidflorian:
dude, you have to stop reading Stephen Hawking while watching Peter North.... 