Okay, so life isn't so grande right now. My friend's aren't around in my life right now which really sucks. I just had a radical idea on how to free up some time. Spend my usually lonely and depressing weekend doing homework for the week and then spend the weekdays hanging out with my friends when they're around. That may just work, too bad there's only two more weeks of school left.
I was thinking today and I've realized that I'm mostly the same lonely, social inept boy that I was in junior high. Eight years later and I still haven't changed. It makes me wonder what's in store for me in the coming eight years. I remember walking home from school everyday by myself and thinking to myself how much I hate all my classmates. I was even getting depressed in junior high. I can remember being social inept and left out as far back as 1st-2nd-3rd grade. All those years and still nothing changes. That's something to be depressed about. Can I really say that I was doomed from the start? 1st grade is like 14-15 years ago and I still have a lot of the same problems socially in my life. Fuck. It's things like that the show me that I'll always be the wallflower at parties and the one that no one ever understands. And while I can be accepted by a teacher, my family or an occasional commrade; I will never find general acceptance among the general public.
And now a message to everyone:
-- for everyone who never had to struggle to make friends, fuck you.
-- for everyone who always had a party to goto or friends to hang out with on the weekend, fuck you
-- for everyone who can always have a man/woman on their arms, fuck you
-- for everyone who doesn't accept someone and doesn't put effort into relationships, fuck you.
-- for everyone who rejects me for the person I am, fuck you.
Now that I'm good and pissed off I think I better go to bed and sleep off some of my manic attack before it flairs up worse. -Dave
I was thinking today and I've realized that I'm mostly the same lonely, social inept boy that I was in junior high. Eight years later and I still haven't changed. It makes me wonder what's in store for me in the coming eight years. I remember walking home from school everyday by myself and thinking to myself how much I hate all my classmates. I was even getting depressed in junior high. I can remember being social inept and left out as far back as 1st-2nd-3rd grade. All those years and still nothing changes. That's something to be depressed about. Can I really say that I was doomed from the start? 1st grade is like 14-15 years ago and I still have a lot of the same problems socially in my life. Fuck. It's things like that the show me that I'll always be the wallflower at parties and the one that no one ever understands. And while I can be accepted by a teacher, my family or an occasional commrade; I will never find general acceptance among the general public.
And now a message to everyone:
-- for everyone who never had to struggle to make friends, fuck you.
-- for everyone who always had a party to goto or friends to hang out with on the weekend, fuck you
-- for everyone who can always have a man/woman on their arms, fuck you
-- for everyone who doesn't accept someone and doesn't put effort into relationships, fuck you.
-- for everyone who rejects me for the person I am, fuck you.
Now that I'm good and pissed off I think I better go to bed and sleep off some of my manic attack before it flairs up worse. -Dave
greenxxghostie:
i am completely socially retarded myself, as are the people i choose to surround myself with on a daily basis...that's kind of how i've been since i was a kid-except for that phase where i thaught i was a boy-i was pretty outgoing then and like chased girls around and stuff...anyways, i've come to realise in the past few years that as much as i like people-i really don't seem to like talking to them very much at least not about stupid shit like some dumb party or getting too wasted and meeting some guy and....well i'm sure you've heard that all too. but you know, it's definately getting to be more fun to be me for myself- i guess all the years of the staying home on week ends and amusing myself with mostly musical endevors or silly shit like juggling has paid off, in a way. hope you feel better when you wake up, it's not easy being green, is it? 