I'm so effin' busy, I don't even have the space to make time for my depression. The days take on a watercolor blur, as I blend details of one day into the next.
I feel my creativity is stunted, like a malformed creature, crippled. I am working to heal it, and feel some of that life, that elixir that once nourished my innards of body and mind even in the worst of times.
I am struggling with envy. Ah, the green demon itself. Working to manifest in myself that which I desire, while not envying others that seem to have the magical key.
Right now, my creative brain rests quiet, a shadow in the corner, instead of a bright dragon burning me to a crisp with ideas spouted from it's mouth.
Getting back into photography and writing. Hell of a struggle. Cannot decide if I am really that person, or if I am simply slipping into an old skin I hung in the closet long ago. Oh, that's an idea. I will jot that down. It's great when they shine in my mind, but it makes me crazy when I struggle to make them come out properly. Gets me every time.
I am enjoying proper grammar again, killing that part of myself that finally relaxed and let it go for a while. But all the emails and the IM's with shit grammar drove me back to my formalism, except you can see from this that I am somewhere between propriety and shabbyness.
I miss dancing.
I miss records and vinyl that melts me from my spine. I miss days that cannot be held again. and I apprecaite those that I am lucky enough to experience.
With the sunshine melts some of that crushing greyness that covered my spirit, that sometime feeble thing, that sometimes demonic banshee hell bent on success.
That does not mean I am ready for the summer. In fact, I am not. I finally find myself cradling the winter, and just like a lover one adjust to after time, it is too soon to leave after the pillow has adjusted to their shape.
That's fiction, though. My lover is still here. It is the winter that is sneaking away from my bed, and I am not ready yet.
I feel my creativity is stunted, like a malformed creature, crippled. I am working to heal it, and feel some of that life, that elixir that once nourished my innards of body and mind even in the worst of times.
I am struggling with envy. Ah, the green demon itself. Working to manifest in myself that which I desire, while not envying others that seem to have the magical key.
Right now, my creative brain rests quiet, a shadow in the corner, instead of a bright dragon burning me to a crisp with ideas spouted from it's mouth.
Getting back into photography and writing. Hell of a struggle. Cannot decide if I am really that person, or if I am simply slipping into an old skin I hung in the closet long ago. Oh, that's an idea. I will jot that down. It's great when they shine in my mind, but it makes me crazy when I struggle to make them come out properly. Gets me every time.
I am enjoying proper grammar again, killing that part of myself that finally relaxed and let it go for a while. But all the emails and the IM's with shit grammar drove me back to my formalism, except you can see from this that I am somewhere between propriety and shabbyness.
I miss dancing.
I miss records and vinyl that melts me from my spine. I miss days that cannot be held again. and I apprecaite those that I am lucky enough to experience.
With the sunshine melts some of that crushing greyness that covered my spirit, that sometime feeble thing, that sometimes demonic banshee hell bent on success.
That does not mean I am ready for the summer. In fact, I am not. I finally find myself cradling the winter, and just like a lover one adjust to after time, it is too soon to leave after the pillow has adjusted to their shape.
That's fiction, though. My lover is still here. It is the winter that is sneaking away from my bed, and I am not ready yet.
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
razorblades3:
Depression sucks 
abracadabra:
whenever you get depressed , just remember...you aren't homeless...i see them on the street and it humbles and focuses me in a way i could not describe...don't say bye say Ciao'