datsun

It is way too early for me to be up after the drinking I did last night. I'm not even feeling yucky yet.




For entertainment, here is my life so far this month in random-ass quotes (some said out loud, some texted):

"Is it a pussy emergency?"

"If I'd known, I would've brought you midget porn."

"Don't think I won't hit you with my car."

"I'm sick of trannie hookers. Can we just go home?"

"Make him rim me?!? As if he isn't already begging to. So many dudes are trying to put their tongue in my ass I've got a bouncer & a velvet rope back there. It's very exclusive."

"'Forrest Gump' drinking game."

"I can't take a picture up my skirt- I'm in a meating."

"Oh, that's the charge for my stun guns I bought. They were 'buy 4 get one free' on my fave site. Freeze the account after that."

"He needs to stop talking. It really messes up the sexin'."

"I'm thinking about getting 'port" and 'starboard' tattooed on me, but am wary of the inevitable battleship comments when I get fat again."

"It is eight in the morning. You are the only person 'still up' from going out. This isn't Vegas. Stop doing so much blow. And stop asking for naked pictures. I'm not some college kid on MySpace."

"I think you should stop hiring Republicans. I'm sick of cleaning up after you fire them."

"Fuck her in her ear."

"You know the magical cabinets that transported people in Harry Potter? I need a few of those to distribute so I can get together with my internet stripper friends. Oh, and mom."