I'm happy to see I gained a few new followers yet again. I've never blogged so honestly before or shared so many personal thoughts in such a public space. I feel like most people see me as a mystery and I admit sometimes I even wonder why I am the way I am. Reading back through my ramblings and has helped me answer far more questions I've had about life and myself than I could have ever thought. The one thing that has had the most tremendous effect on mood though is seeing other like minded people who see the world from a different perspective. It's not easy overcoming hardship when you've played the love game for all it's worth only to come out on bottom but I've always been able to keep going in my own way.
People have always said I march to the beat of a different drum, I say "what drum?"
Anyways today at work I received inspiration from an unexpected source. A 19 year old guy I work with told me how his roommate and him are currently writing short stories for fun. Just so happens I was an English/Lit major in college and have been writing since I was a tween. He told me about the stories they were writing and I then told him about a couple of the novel projects I have in the works. It's been a long time since I've really put forward some effort into working on a new novel and I know the reasons why.
About ten years ago I got a novel published but in the end I wasn't happy with it. I guess it's just my nature to be my own worst critic but it didn't help that the book didn't sell either. I guess I didn't really have much hope in becoming a best seller but it was still hard to try something and fail. Still though I wonder what my intentions were when I wrote that particular novel. I hurried through the writing process compared to my other works. To put this into perspective I have a sci-fi series I'm working on that I've been writing for the better part of 14 years, then I've got a zombie apocalypse novel I've been working on for like 8 years and only just been making real headway on. The novel I got published I wrote and got put on in about a year. Clearly I was in a hurry, hoping to make some quick cash. It's no wonder I put out something less that satisfactory.
Still though this conversation inspired me to go back into writing mode again. It's been so long since I've poured myself into a novel like I used to perhaps it's about time. Disappearing into my own mind so it can be put onto paper has been a rewarding experience for me in the past. The characters and stories in my mind really want to come out and I've just been suppressing them with the countless distractions life provides.
The place I've come to in my mind now doesn't care about the fame or money anymore. Both of those things are concepts I feel humanity puts too much stake in. I now genuinely feel like in order to put myself right I have to give shape to what I've been imagining for years. I may not attain fame for it but I know people will read it and it will give me a sense of immense accomplishment. For better or worse it will be my mark on the world.
Excelsior!