I feel like I've been away forever. I was happily surprised to see I have new followers though. You provide me the motivation I need to actively throw my problems to the world so that I can gain enough perspective to solve them. Not long ago I went through a rather traumatic breakup and the people I work with really came through for me in my time of need as much as I let them. It was only through a glib reply to genuine concern for me that I got the idea to "write it out" and that is how my SG blog was born. I never imagined anyone would be interested in my insane rants so in tribute to that I"ll take you all a little deeper...
People around me have noticed I've been rather chipper as of late. The best explanation I can give is that I've become re-enchanted with the miracle we call life. Though it's not an easy love to maintain.
Today I had an argument with a co-worker about how my mind works. He told me that he wishes I could have his 20 year old mind for a day to which I replied I wish he could have my mind for a day. He said he wouldn't want that though because I'm crazy and I over think things. I tried to tell him there's no way he could understand my perspective on the world because he lacks the appropriate tools but he proceeded to ask anyone that walked into the kitchen what they thought about my view of the world.
To my surprise everyone came in my defense and just said that's just the way that I am and that my opinions hold real weight. It felt good.
That aside though one thing has been troubling me deeply as of late. That is the The Uncertainty Principle. In my alone time I've been studying whatever I can to help me understand the nature of reality since I can remember but I now realize it has all been leading to this. It makes me feel really nerdy but I like to think that if I put in enough effort towards understanding of anything I can figure it out. I'm good at recognizing patterns and figuring out how things work but no matter what I can carve in stone there is always a variable. It's as if there is something else so far beyond my comprehension that I can only pay tribute to it somehow rather than adhere my life to it's standards.
The only thing I do know for sure leads me full circle. As time goes by humanity learns more and more about the nature of existence but there always seems to be something just out of reach. Hell, we have the capability (only blocked by moral laws) to fully grow a clone of a human body right now. We have even figured out most of the components to create a functioning body on a cellular level. The one thing we can't figure out though is sentience.
Sure we can take a bunch of cells and tell them what to do with very dramatic results but the real question is how did those cells figure out how to do this in the first place?
After that I wonder why our particular species is so intelligent. I've met enough people to prove to myself that you don't need to be even modestly intelligent to survive in the world so; why would a certain animal evolve such a big brain that most waste?
The Uncertainty Principle tells me I will never know the answers to certain questions my brain will pose though my experiences in the world tells me humanity has not yet reached it's answer limit. Though I don't know where the path will lead me I want to see how deep the rabbit hole goes. I know that if I did so I'd leave behind my simple life as a cook with no guarantees but in the grand scheme maybe it could be worth it for my sanity.
I'm at a crossroads here between simply existing vs finding meaning.
Here is my response.