Slowly but surely I can feel the familiar mechanisms of my world grinding to life again. Every time an attempt at cohabitation fails I find myself in this exact same spot, doing the same things to maintain my sanity. I try to learn from those experiences though as I steel myself for the next attempt at finding a woman. Each subsequent time seems to diminish my desire to try again though. Now I can scarcely say that desire exists at all. Perhaps it's just a matter of allowing myself time to heal but I feel like I've been making some rather interesting leaps in logic lately.
I'm an extremely empathetic person. In fact many know that I care far less about myself than I do for other people. Not that I don't care for myself, it's just that it seems like I have to force myself to when my concern for others is just automatic. I guess I just rationalize myself being this way by thinking that if there are people out there who only think of themselves an no one else then it stands to reason there would be someone who is the complete opposite. All things exist in balance, after all. :)
The only downside to me being the way I am is that it can be taken advantage of easily and therein lies the problem. I've taken so many emotional, financial, and personal losses from relationships there's obviously a component to this equation I don't grasp. Maybe the issue is that I've spent so much time trying to find someone else to build a life with that I've completely neglected to build a lasting one for myself. I just keep propping myself up on temporary foundations waiting for someone else to appear before I start to plant roots.
Not really much of a logical plan now that I read all that back.
Now I suppose the only thing left to do is set out to create the ultimate man cave somewhere. heheh.