Visited my Granny. It's obvious she in her last days. She's in so much pain these days she is, literally, praying for death. Alzheimers has also set in. She know who everyone is, but is confused on a lot of things. She thinks I'm her son, but knows that's not right. I tell her it's ok, she was more of a mother to me than my mother was. And I was more respectful and appreciative than her children were.
It hurts me to see her this way. I feel bad that I don't go see her as often as I should, but it's so emotionaly taxing. I feel so guilty, I lived with her (off and on) for most of my childhood and teenage years. I would visit her, up until three years ago, at least twice a week. I was the only person she trust to do her grocery shopping, she's been in a wheel chair for over eight years.
They tell me not to feel bad, that I did all I could. That I have my own depression and life, that I put on hold for to long to help others, to deal with and it's time to focus on me. Even my Granny says this, but it only helps a little. She knows my life hasn't been the happiest and tells me "stop worrying about this old lady" But she's my Granny, what can I do? I love that lady.
It hurts me to see her this way. I feel bad that I don't go see her as often as I should, but it's so emotionaly taxing. I feel so guilty, I lived with her (off and on) for most of my childhood and teenage years. I would visit her, up until three years ago, at least twice a week. I was the only person she trust to do her grocery shopping, she's been in a wheel chair for over eight years.
They tell me not to feel bad, that I did all I could. That I have my own depression and life, that I put on hold for to long to help others, to deal with and it's time to focus on me. Even my Granny says this, but it only helps a little. She knows my life hasn't been the happiest and tells me "stop worrying about this old lady" But she's my Granny, what can I do? I love that lady.
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About your grandmother, look, this kind of stuff really sucks. One thing that I've been taught is to not let two people die when one should. Sounds harsh and it is. Don't let her condition wear you down to the point of just having a pulse and nothing more. While I'm not saying to simply grin and bear it, I am saying that talk a little more positively to yourself. ACT like you are feeling a little better each day and maybe you might just fool yourself. You might actually start to smile and let up a little in the depression area. Also, don't expect to never be sad again, but don't let that stop you from being happy. Rock on!