After reading Andromedas recent post I got to thinking (which for me can be a very dangerous thing). Its not something I havent thought before but reading Andromedas, and other girls on SG, post I feel totally..off. I read how many of the Girls are insecure and I wonder, how? These girls are totally hot and cool as all Hell. I dont get it.
Then I remember, I heard all this before. Ive heard this a long time. People say this to me.
My entire life I have been insecure and afraid. I have a horrible self image. My confidence level ranges from low to none existent. Im prone to beating myself up inside for the slightest little infraction. And I cant forgive myself for things that arent even my fault or responsibility. I can honestly say I am my own worst enemy.
This March 11th will mark my three year anniversary of being diagnosed with depression. After a rough night alone with my thoughts (see what I mean about me thinking) I almost became one with a bottle of Tylenol P.M. Luckily I had a moment of clarity and had the sense to seek help. It was months later before I was able to tell family and friends why they couldnt find me those few days.
When I did, the fit hit the shan. I was bombarded with such memorable sayings as What? You have so much going for you. And Low self esteem? Your attractive, women throw themselves at you all the time. I read your writing, youre talented, smart. If you dont know how good you have it, then there IS something wrong with you. I dont think they know how much those words actually hurt. I dont think they would understand if I told them.
I have since learned why I am the way I am. I deal with my issues and work through them (or at least try to). In fact, I have started using my issues as motivation and even themes in my writings. I try not to let my emotions win out in arguments with my brain. I know who and what I am, and I proud of it. I wouldnt trade my insecurities for anything. They keep grounded and aware of the world around me. And reminds me whats important.
Then I remember, I heard all this before. Ive heard this a long time. People say this to me.
My entire life I have been insecure and afraid. I have a horrible self image. My confidence level ranges from low to none existent. Im prone to beating myself up inside for the slightest little infraction. And I cant forgive myself for things that arent even my fault or responsibility. I can honestly say I am my own worst enemy.
This March 11th will mark my three year anniversary of being diagnosed with depression. After a rough night alone with my thoughts (see what I mean about me thinking) I almost became one with a bottle of Tylenol P.M. Luckily I had a moment of clarity and had the sense to seek help. It was months later before I was able to tell family and friends why they couldnt find me those few days.
When I did, the fit hit the shan. I was bombarded with such memorable sayings as What? You have so much going for you. And Low self esteem? Your attractive, women throw themselves at you all the time. I read your writing, youre talented, smart. If you dont know how good you have it, then there IS something wrong with you. I dont think they know how much those words actually hurt. I dont think they would understand if I told them.
I have since learned why I am the way I am. I deal with my issues and work through them (or at least try to). In fact, I have started using my issues as motivation and even themes in my writings. I try not to let my emotions win out in arguments with my brain. I know who and what I am, and I proud of it. I wouldnt trade my insecurities for anything. They keep grounded and aware of the world around me. And reminds me whats important.