darling69

last night was the most horrible scarriest tramadic moments of my life .............i dont think i will never do drugs again and i wont be getting wasted anymore..............my lil sister fucking almost died befor my eyes .............some E some BACARDI lotsa weed passing the bong was like a rat race amongst other pills ...............she started getting loopy eyes rolling around not responding getting very cold puking followed by foaming loosing conciousness............. oh my god this shit sobered my ass up as everyone is screaming freaking out dont wanna call 911 due to underage party guest i flipped called 911 as i would not watch my sister fucken die befor my eyes ..........................she made small eye contact with me i was talking to her holding her hand trying tokeep her awake she was responding a bit but her pulse wa so slow her eyes were non existent just whiteness..................emergency came i told them what she took ....................why does everyone run and hide when a loved one is in crisis i feel so fucken shitty as i should not be partying with underage people let alone my underage sister ................i will never forgive myself .................i feel horrible ................to have seen this the look in her face as if she could hear me but could not find a way to respond the scare that she was slipping away ..............i would not loose my sister like that .................other sister called my dad he came i went with him followed off to emergency ...................they pumped her full of whatever they do at hospital and kept her on i.v.she had alcohol poisoning and a bad mixture of to much shit ...................i wonder why cant we just be happy without being high i cant figure it out ......................i can try to not be a part of that anymore and be supportive to my lil sis as well ...................the important thing to focus on now................. for me............... is she is alive, im glad i was able to react the way i did im glad shes okay i love her she is the world to me i have 3 sisters and the other 2 we just dont have a bond it hurts me we dont get along ,they are still imature in a way where they blame everyone and feel they are superior to everyone else .....................i take responsibility and feel like shit about last night ...............what makes me so angry as my father and i where in the E.R. with my sister everyone is still back smoking the bong fuck all the bumbs ther but how could my sisters still be partying that way .................nothing like seeing death happen right befor your eyes and being a part of the situation just fucken hurts so bad i hurt .........i ache..........i feel lost confused why would this happen ..................i dont even party with them people especially my sister i never did i always felt it was`nt right ...............god g etting this out and it still feels its not good enough i feel numb i still feel a chill a scare i feel likeim in a bad movie a bad dream .............what else can one say..................