darling0

"Boys and girls in America have such a sad time together; sophistication demands that they submit to sex immediately without proper preliminary talk. Not courting talk--real straight talk about souls, for life is holy and every moment is precious." - Kerouac.

Last night I had a dream that I fell in love. But it was a different kind of love than what I've ever actually experienced--it was passionately and achingly reciprocated.. like a real soul connection. The dream was actually about someone I know in real life, but have only met briefly and superficially. It makes me wonder what it is about him that my subconscious decided was so particularly interesting.. as this isn't the first such dream I've had about him. Maybe it's trying to tell me something. But, probably not.

Though like most love stories, this tale did not have a happy ending. I died. I was shot four times. And the strangest thing about the dream was that it continued--I was no longer a part of it, but I saw what life was like for the man I left behind. It was kind of devastating and a strange feeling to no longer be a presence in your own consciousness. Isn't it widely believed that when you die in your dreams, you die in real life? I wonder what it means that I have died so many times now....

I woke up with an intense desire for romance. Not just of the heart, but for life. Dreams should not be the only things that make me feel so alive.