darkwest

why do i keep thinking that some hot woman here will give me the chance...Now i know why i left here all show and not action figuretively speaking...i hate that i am not a catch i hate that i am not handsome i hate that i am all aloneness that seems to bleed out of me and all. So dark i am becoming from the lack of love or the what i do to drive people away from me in general fact is i am not good enough for most women cuz i know mentally they would leave me for someone else that satisfied they needs both physically and mentally. They say time heal wounds, yet it doesn't heal broken heart and mending hearts in time cuz i don't heal it properly like people do by cheering up, being happy, smile the sadness away, yet none of these things work for me cuz you lose faith on these you dont have and aren't there when you are at your worse to the point of depressed mood. I feel when i pour my heart out they look and walk by it like it doesn't mean anything to them or isn't important enough to say "hey are you okay" but no to busy with their own shit, yet i have taken time of my own and say "need to talk about it" feeling better knowing that it is discuss and deal with but when it my turn there isn't no on there for me, then i go into "i don't give a fuck mood" i become the asshole or bad guy cause i don't feel like nuturing a friend or family.

I always think that she will give me the chance and yet i am way out of her league or just another "fan friend' and stuff i mean goddamn why can't i get a okay or even time to chat and get to know each other but nope no time or not worth it of someone's time -_- i mean i do give out a vibe where "i don't like being around you well enough to know you or get to know" i mean i do have the qualities a gentleman needs: a job, a car, a house, a great persona, mannerism of good towards women and lady alike, but its not enough and stuff sigh- i think i might go away again cuz i am tired of looking at hot women who i will never in a million years get the chance or oppertunity of a chance....

I also hate that fact that love is all around me and isn't there for me it just gloats and me laughing at me being alone to the point where all you think is lonliness that is comsuming me...yet after i post this i just a virtual hug or "cheer up" montage thing or they are their for me when i need or something..fact is no one had to go through every single love holiday alone like i have or being dump on valentines *not saying i am the only one* but the memories are getting worse wear i don't see anything happy about it cuz i don't feel happy about it never have and never show it cuz they don't notice to care enough just women all my life don't life me enough or even love me enough to be with me and around me
dw......