darkriver

Finally, I have made it back. I have had a bad time of it, and the worst the last couple of weeks of last year and the first of the new year. My grandmother's health started failing a couple weeks before Christmas, and was really bad the days before. One bright spot was the Elvis impersonator that showed up at her assisted living facility. It would be the last time I saw her with that fire she always had in her eye. We visited with her every day, we spent Christmas Eve and Christmas with her. I went the following day, and when I went to her room, she was sleeping. My mom, sister, uncle, one of my cousins, and a couple of aunts were there. There was a lady that wanted to talk to my mom about continuing care and what options there were for the future. she and my mother and aunts went outside of the room to talk and my uncle left for a Dr's appointment. While my cousin and I were in there, we were talking to my grandma as she slept. I told her I love her, and to my surprise she said it back. Those were the last words she would speak. Her breathing became more and more shallow. It sounded like she was clearing her throat, but she never took another breath. The sound I heard was called the "Death Rattle" and I'll never forget it. My grandma was one of the toughest strongest people I ever knew, she always spoke her mind, and she was very protective of all of us. I was her favorite. I know that's wrong in some people's eyes, but her and I were very close. I would visit her as much as I could. If I'd get the chance, I was there. I miss her, and I know I always will.

During the week following my grandmother's death, I was having a very hard time of it. While at the wake, I was sitting alone so I txted my girlfriend. She asked me to text after I left because she didn't think I should be txting there. I told her that I was texting her because I needed outside contact, all the people at the wake were in the same state of mind as I was so I needed a fresh thought. She started telling me I was being over dramatic! She said I was making a big deal of things! Her exact words,"It just seems like you're laying it on thick. It's okay to be sad, just don't be looking for a pity party". That's when I realized that she wasn't the type of person who would be there for me, and that made her not the type of person I'd want to be with. I broke up with her a couple days later, on New Years Day.

So there I was, everything was lost, I lost two people I loved dearly. One died, the other showed their true colors. I've been slowly rebuilding, feeling better day by day, week by week. I'll never get over the loss of my Grams, but I'm living with it. I know she'll always be in my heart.