So today off to a bad start. I've had two separate and individual dreams involving both my past and my exgirlfriend. I usually don't remember any of my dreams or are even aware of having them so two this morning is a real rarity.
Dream #1:
A guy I went to highschoo with, Eric, was talking to me about how much he wanted to date my ex. Apparently he had the oppurtunity to do so despite the fact that he never met her and I met her in college after I'd stopped really knowing him. He was going on and on about how great she was and I was trying to nicely let him know that there was a lot of really great stuff about her. However, there was also a lot of really shitty depressing stuff. That despite all of the good that he'd be better off staying away from her.
Dream #2
I was going back to the theater I worked at in college and where I met the ex. I think it was the start of the new school year. I was talking to the ATD about working for the theater again. I had to talk to the ex to make it into the office. I could see her crumple inside when she made eye contact with me. I had to just brush by and pretend like she was just some random person and not a girl that I had been in love with. Then the ATD and I were talking about how long I expected to be working there. He was throwing out 2 or 3 years. It was a fun place to work in college but I don't want to work in a college roadhouse for a long time.
So...why am I dreaming about her again all of a sudden? Though historically Aug has been the time of the year that we got back together after breakups and went through a period, albeit brief, of really good times. I think the real reason is the fact that I've been generally unhappy with my situation this summer. I've not really connected with anyone, except Matt the intern, and certainly not connected with any women in any meaningful way. So I've been missing lot's of people who aren't here, jonesing for my parent's house, and thinking a lot about the ex. Unfortunately our situation was so mixed. There were a lot of really great things about it. Things that I can only hope I'll have with another person some day. On the other hand I hope to never go through the shit that we put each other through ever again. The worst part was after two years of what I thought was us really working on making things work and then having it just not happen. She tells me that she never tried. So I worked at making myself be a better person and better partner for her in the relationship and she never even fucking tried. TWO FUCKING YEARS of not trying. How is that possible? I would have been happy if she had simply tried to make herself a happier person whether that included me or not. She didn't even try to change the things that made her miserable. God damn it.
Well this whole thing has stirred up a bunch of feelings I would have preferred remained undisturbed. Though I guess I would prefer being angry with her than thinking about her and missing her. I feel better for ranting. Angry is better than sad.
How's everyone else? I've been reading everyone's journals and commenting where appropriate. Sometimes I just don't have anything to add...but I always read.
Dream #1:
A guy I went to highschoo with, Eric, was talking to me about how much he wanted to date my ex. Apparently he had the oppurtunity to do so despite the fact that he never met her and I met her in college after I'd stopped really knowing him. He was going on and on about how great she was and I was trying to nicely let him know that there was a lot of really great stuff about her. However, there was also a lot of really shitty depressing stuff. That despite all of the good that he'd be better off staying away from her.
Dream #2
I was going back to the theater I worked at in college and where I met the ex. I think it was the start of the new school year. I was talking to the ATD about working for the theater again. I had to talk to the ex to make it into the office. I could see her crumple inside when she made eye contact with me. I had to just brush by and pretend like she was just some random person and not a girl that I had been in love with. Then the ATD and I were talking about how long I expected to be working there. He was throwing out 2 or 3 years. It was a fun place to work in college but I don't want to work in a college roadhouse for a long time.
So...why am I dreaming about her again all of a sudden? Though historically Aug has been the time of the year that we got back together after breakups and went through a period, albeit brief, of really good times. I think the real reason is the fact that I've been generally unhappy with my situation this summer. I've not really connected with anyone, except Matt the intern, and certainly not connected with any women in any meaningful way. So I've been missing lot's of people who aren't here, jonesing for my parent's house, and thinking a lot about the ex. Unfortunately our situation was so mixed. There were a lot of really great things about it. Things that I can only hope I'll have with another person some day. On the other hand I hope to never go through the shit that we put each other through ever again. The worst part was after two years of what I thought was us really working on making things work and then having it just not happen. She tells me that she never tried. So I worked at making myself be a better person and better partner for her in the relationship and she never even fucking tried. TWO FUCKING YEARS of not trying. How is that possible? I would have been happy if she had simply tried to make herself a happier person whether that included me or not. She didn't even try to change the things that made her miserable. God damn it.
Well this whole thing has stirred up a bunch of feelings I would have preferred remained undisturbed. Though I guess I would prefer being angry with her than thinking about her and missing her. I feel better for ranting. Angry is better than sad.
How's everyone else? I've been reading everyone's journals and commenting where appropriate. Sometimes I just don't have anything to add...but I always read.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
bad stuff.
the circus people are weird as hell. last time worked as local for RBBB, i had to deal with an obsessive concessions guy who kept drawing pictures of me running my concourse spot.