another night alone...am I really that much of a loser am I?
Dream
Fleeting glances at a party.
Brushing butts on the packed balcony.
Informal, intoxicated smiles traded.
I saw her once and my whole life changed.
For a moment I was indestructible.
Goals were achievable.
Values unbending.
2.5 kids were in the front yard playing.
Life, for a moment, was excellent.
But, in a...
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Dream
Fleeting glances at a party.
Brushing butts on the packed balcony.
Informal, intoxicated smiles traded.
I saw her once and my whole life changed.
For a moment I was indestructible.
Goals were achievable.
Values unbending.
2.5 kids were in the front yard playing.
Life, for a moment, was excellent.
But, in a...
Read More
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
Ok. Well I no longer work for Dial America...I gave it 4 days...but that job was so not my style.
Fuck these people!
Blah...God I need 420 bad
no job...no money...no pot...hmmm....
Fuck...I can't even think to type...
i need sleep, laid, stoned, anything
that'll make me feel something
Im tired of the numbness of being
the walk too long till the divergence
till the...
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Fuck these people!
Blah...God I need 420 bad
no job...no money...no pot...hmmm....
Fuck...I can't even think to type...
i need sleep, laid, stoned, anything
that'll make me feel something
Im tired of the numbness of being
the walk too long till the divergence
till the...
Read More
trills:
No job. Little money. No place to call my own.
Same boat, eh?
Same boat, eh?
darkfey:
indeed our sails match, sadly we have an ocean between us but one will always have a star to guide the way 
happy birthday to me 
VIEW 18 of 18 COMMENTS
threestares:
i asked you a movie question and you did not answer!
threestares:
i just read back over your journal. it would be good if you answered in my journal...... 'cause i did not know you wrote answers in your journal!
i think that the truman show was very big brother, hollywood does 1984
i think that the truman show was very big brother, hollywood does 1984
well, 2 days till my birthday...the past 97 days have been quite the unusual experience and every day I'm left wondering what the fuck I'm doing here. It's hard to feel complete when I'm alone and I'm wondering if I'll ever feel whole again. Who knows, I sure as hell don't...do you?
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
threestares:
you are cryptic. what has been going on for 97 days?
darkfey:
well, on new years eve I got my second DUI and since then i've not drank any alcohol...I've also been recovering from the accident and general torture of the self-loathing sort
...My birthday was my mile marker...99 days without a drink.
...My birthday was my mile marker...99 days without a drink. Chemical Candy
I wish I
Had somewhere to go,
A bowl to pack,
A line to blow.
A feeling to feel
Or just a thought,
Something to think about,
I know I forgot.
My want, to want,
- A need to need-
Someone is growling
The beast needs to feed.
My mind is incased
In a ground glass-shard maze.
Twisting and cutting,
Getting lost here...
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I wish I
Had somewhere to go,
A bowl to pack,
A line to blow.
A feeling to feel
Or just a thought,
Something to think about,
I know I forgot.
My want, to want,
- A need to need-
Someone is growling
The beast needs to feed.
My mind is incased
In a ground glass-shard maze.
Twisting and cutting,
Getting lost here...
Read More
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
xxdistortmexx:
Your writing truly amazes me.
Can we get married?
Later<3
Chels
Can we get married?
Later<3
Chels
darkfey:
the main point...well you could go into the "big brother" aspect...about how we are all watched by everyone else...Or how people scrutenize peoples lives like they're mear objects. I donno, what do you think?
Ok, a little more sober now...I told her "no"
I didn't think I'd be able to but I did it.
I don't think she was trying to use me...we talked, when we were going out we were both drinking alot and she was an alcoholic on relaps and I was an alcoholic yet to try stopping. so, things ended they way they had to, not...
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I didn't think I'd be able to but I did it.
I don't think she was trying to use me...we talked, when we were going out we were both drinking alot and she was an alcoholic on relaps and I was an alcoholic yet to try stopping. so, things ended they way they had to, not...
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threestares:
wow, how are you today?
darkfey:
today...today I'm better, I don't know where to go so much...I was told once "you make a great distraction" I suppose now I wait for the next girl in need of distraction, some shinny thing to use and discard...who knows, maybe the next will let me stay a while longer.
Ok i'm fucked up but gotta get this out of my head.........shit, what hasn't happened today? My cat hasn't been raped, but that's about it...fuck I hate this headspace.
So Sarah called today...she needed money...rent...I haven't talked to her in well over 6 months, I still have feelings for her, or maybe just i don't know...I want to give it to her...but I want to...
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So Sarah called today...she needed money...rent...I haven't talked to her in well over 6 months, I still have feelings for her, or maybe just i don't know...I want to give it to her...but I want to...
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ash:
aww, that sucks babes. Sounds like the girl is just using u for money. But hell, I dont even know the whole situation so I should just hush up 
darkfey:
Thanks babe...everyone I asked said the same thing...I would have given it to her on my own, thankfully my friends won't let me fuck up myself any more than I'm already doing.
Party Girl
Shes a frat boy fuck-toy.
Duel kegger and she yours -
All night long.
Tip-cup queen and tequila body-shot fiend.
Shell twist you up and tie you down.
Ditzy in the way that youd -
Believe her say,
I tripped and fell, landed on his umwell
She giggles in an innocent pitch
But the only non-4 letter word you hear is
Bitch!
Shes...
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Shes a frat boy fuck-toy.
Duel kegger and she yours -
All night long.
Tip-cup queen and tequila body-shot fiend.
Shell twist you up and tie you down.
Ditzy in the way that youd -
Believe her say,
I tripped and fell, landed on his umwell
She giggles in an innocent pitch
But the only non-4 letter word you hear is
Bitch!
Shes...
Read More
Swinging hips and open tongue kisses
Sipped, gulped, and slammed drinks
Shining bring lights and loud fast music
Slow dances and quick grinds
Always in the back of my head
I feel the moves,
I taste the drinks,
I see the light,
I hear the music,
A vision in my mind
Playing in the back seat
Partying with crazies
Picking the bars to hop
Passing...
Read More
Sipped, gulped, and slammed drinks
Shining bring lights and loud fast music
Slow dances and quick grinds
Always in the back of my head
I feel the moves,
I taste the drinks,
I see the light,
I hear the music,
A vision in my mind
Playing in the back seat
Partying with crazies
Picking the bars to hop
Passing...
Read More
xxdistortmexx:
Wow.
Wow.Shimmer and fade
Where do good things go
Once theyve served their purpose?
Why cant they shimmer onward?
Must they fade to black?
I fucked things up royally
I should have stood fast to my old ways
If I hadnt grown I wouldnt ask these questions
And life, although sad, wouldnt be complicated
I didnt hate myself before
I just endured
A spectator and idiot...
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Where do good things go
Once theyve served their purpose?
Why cant they shimmer onward?
Must they fade to black?
I fucked things up royally
I should have stood fast to my old ways
If I hadnt grown I wouldnt ask these questions
And life, although sad, wouldnt be complicated
I didnt hate myself before
I just endured
A spectator and idiot...
Read More
threestares:
i believe that sometimes when things seem to have faded to black it is because they are just too far away for us to see right now but they on their way around again.
i cannot tell you are talking to me when you reply in your own journal, until much later.