The last two years have been a challenge, mentally, physically, and emotionally. In the Spring of 2022, I was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma—an incurable form of blood cancer—after a growth on my spine fractured my back at L12. The pain, due to nerve damage, was like nothing I had ever experienced before, and I knew pain!
It took a while to come to a diagnosis, but eventually MRI’s, CT scans and a stent in the hospital in late Spring 2022, culminated in a bone marrow biopsy shined a light on the cancer.
Year 2022 was whirlwind of radiation treatments, chemotherapy, and an eventual Autologous stem cell transplant—accompanied by a two-week hospital stay—took up the year. And, oh, I was confined to a wheelchair when getting around outside the house. The tumor had done a lot of damage and I had to teach myself how to walk again. The base of the toes on both my feet are still numb, making balancing a challenge, but I am learning to live with it.
So far this year I have been fighting back with mixed results. The cancer is in remission, and I am on a (costly) monthly drug maintenance regime. Physically, I move forward and backwards seemingly in equal measure. Some days my whole body is in pain, and I can barely stand to get out of bed. Emotionally I am on the edge. I have always suffered from depression and now it sits on my soul like a dark angry cloud, whispering about the beauty of just not being here anymore.
I related all of this, because I consider the community a safe space. I have never talked about my cancer before anywhere and felt the need to jot it all down somewhere. I am thankful to be a part of this community and all the beautiful souls therein!
UPDATE: I recently underwent another bone marrow biopsy—the first was last year during one of my hospital stays—and the results are promising; i.e. I am still in remission, but because there is no cure for MM, I must stay on the maintenance drug.
