darkangelion

Life needs to have a meaning.
Some people think that the big joke is this: no meaning at all. Call em cynics,call em realistic persons. Well, they don't see they too have found a meaning. Chaos, freedom, destiny or whatever else. They give it a name. They are alright. Or...they fake to be, so I just won't consider them as happy.

The problem is that I'm still looking for a meaning. Don't get me wrong: I feel already quite good knowing myself as a person that "looks for something", also if he doesn't find it. Stop looking at a meaning would be dying inside.
But hey...I'm focusing on an example. Y'know, my last years of "intellectual research" leaded me to believe that LOVE can be a perfect satisfaction, real love can be one of the most important and fulfilling elements of our strange lives.

So you'll say: he found love, and love showed its cruel face.
Nope. I did find love once upon a time, me and this girl were perfect within, and only the fact that growing different leaded us to different ideas, broke this love. But damn, I know love.

And I know what I'm missing now.

I noticed that there are some interesting girls around my city, my country, the earth... that's good, i thought it was rare to find a beautiful+alternative+wise girls... There are. Nobody's perfect, but yea, I'm not too!

The problem is that seems like a torture for me.. I get close to these girls, then loose them suddenly. They just break the enchantment. And whoa, it's an horrible feeling when you understand you're not enough interesting, that there is always somebody better out there. That they praise you all the ways, they like you very much, but hey, DESTINY says no. (not talking about WHO these "better" guys are...often some very normal people, so normal that you think that also the strangest girl prefers a quiet-minded dude: maybe looking rebel, maybe not: surely not rebel in his soul).

Well this is all bullshit.
And y'know why I tell you that's bullshit? For the first reason... I DON'T HAVE THE PARAMETERS TO JUDGE REALITY, AS FAR AS I DON'T FIND A MEANING IN THIS LIFE.
But how could I find a meaning, if maybe, FOR ME, this meaning is hidden into Love? And as I told you, Love runs away in fear?

lol! this is tragicomic

So you arrived till the end of this, thanks, and maybe you are thinking: "this guy won't find a girl cuz he is not that interesting he thinks to be..."
hehe, you got me wrong.
I can tell you for sure: doesn't matter how cool u r, how many things you know: everyone has its little tragedy.
I think I will surely defeat mine , but it's fun, cuz I'm so sure won't be my merits to help me out of this.

It will be just luck.
Then, I'll need my merits to keep this Love alive. I'll do my best.

But to find the Love, I won't have any role in this thing...

SKIES HELP ME

[she is waiting for me: the sum of all the girls I liked, the sum of all the girls I'd like: she is made for me as I am made for her...how to find her though]

sorry for this drama
and thank you who ever you are