I touch your cold cheek to mine
But this time I cannot warm you
Look into your beautiful eyes
But they're seeing right through me
I wish to hold you this way forever
You weren't lost or some kind of fuck up
You were my friend
That is something I thought could never end
Did it mean so little to you?
That you could throw it all away
Says more than you could every say with words
I feel so many things inside but the anger tends to win out
And I may be angry with you but I love you without a doubt
You were my angel and my anchor
My soul's hammer and anvil, you tempered me
Now I just feel as though all the bones have left my body
What it takes to get through this I fear I do not have it within me
YOU TOOK IT WITH YOU
Did you give it any thought?
I don't know what's real
Has this really happened?
It seems to me that time stands still
Yet we all continue moving
I will love you forever
Jessica's decision to take her own life has really fucked me up. It's been a while now but the wound is as though it were brand new. I can't seem to move forward from it. I don't know if it is because of the happenings of that night or because i told her i would always be there for her and wasn't or if it is her sister giving me shit every time we see each other. What happened that night is as follows: I had gone to work to drop off a movie i had rented. I thought i would just drop it off and be back home in a few minutes so i left my phone on the charger when i went. I met Sara there and we ended up hanging together all night till about 3am. I have been in love with Sara since i really had a chance to know her and to that night i was trying my hardest to woo her. I got home at about 3:30 am and saw my phone blinking so i checked and I had 3 new voicemails. The first two were hang ups. then the third was Jessica talking about how everything is a lie including me cause i told her i would always be here for her. We were a couple for a while but it became apparent that we made much better friends and we made it happen. We were great friends even after sharing the bed and shower together. There was no bitterness on either part. I told her I would always be here for her. After i got the message i turned right around and went to her apartment. She would not answer the phone or the door. I called the cops and her landlord and after they got inside they found her dead in the bathtub with the water still running and a beer next to her. She had taken all the Valium she had and drank a lot of alcohol. It hit me so hard that she reached out earlier that night but i was out trying to win over a chick i was hot for. Because of that Sara and I never became anything, hardly even friends. And I have been loathing myself for some time. Her sister Elissa blames me as well and has been nothing but disdainful at best. I just feel so damn empty right now. And wish I could do something to get myself out of this so i don't have to spout off to all of you about it. But this is all i can do right now. Thanks for listening everyone and Take care. I love you guys.
Sincerely, Ron.
But this time I cannot warm you
Look into your beautiful eyes
But they're seeing right through me
I wish to hold you this way forever
You weren't lost or some kind of fuck up
You were my friend
That is something I thought could never end
Did it mean so little to you?
That you could throw it all away
Says more than you could every say with words
I feel so many things inside but the anger tends to win out
And I may be angry with you but I love you without a doubt
You were my angel and my anchor
My soul's hammer and anvil, you tempered me
Now I just feel as though all the bones have left my body
What it takes to get through this I fear I do not have it within me
YOU TOOK IT WITH YOU
Did you give it any thought?
I don't know what's real
Has this really happened?
It seems to me that time stands still
Yet we all continue moving
I will love you forever
Jessica's decision to take her own life has really fucked me up. It's been a while now but the wound is as though it were brand new. I can't seem to move forward from it. I don't know if it is because of the happenings of that night or because i told her i would always be there for her and wasn't or if it is her sister giving me shit every time we see each other. What happened that night is as follows: I had gone to work to drop off a movie i had rented. I thought i would just drop it off and be back home in a few minutes so i left my phone on the charger when i went. I met Sara there and we ended up hanging together all night till about 3am. I have been in love with Sara since i really had a chance to know her and to that night i was trying my hardest to woo her. I got home at about 3:30 am and saw my phone blinking so i checked and I had 3 new voicemails. The first two were hang ups. then the third was Jessica talking about how everything is a lie including me cause i told her i would always be here for her. We were a couple for a while but it became apparent that we made much better friends and we made it happen. We were great friends even after sharing the bed and shower together. There was no bitterness on either part. I told her I would always be here for her. After i got the message i turned right around and went to her apartment. She would not answer the phone or the door. I called the cops and her landlord and after they got inside they found her dead in the bathtub with the water still running and a beer next to her. She had taken all the Valium she had and drank a lot of alcohol. It hit me so hard that she reached out earlier that night but i was out trying to win over a chick i was hot for. Because of that Sara and I never became anything, hardly even friends. And I have been loathing myself for some time. Her sister Elissa blames me as well and has been nothing but disdainful at best. I just feel so damn empty right now. And wish I could do something to get myself out of this so i don't have to spout off to all of you about it. But this is all i can do right now. Thanks for listening everyone and Take care. I love you guys.
Sincerely, Ron.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
I am sorry to hear about your current situation. it definitely seems unfortunate .but remember that we can only play the cards dealt to us and no one plays them for us. your friend jessica made a choice, not one many deem the correct one but you cannot be blamed for her decision. forgive her for that decision so that you can start to heal and im sure her sister just isnt sure how to deal with her grief and so is placing the blame on you.
this is all of course without actual insight to the people involved etc, but sometimes its clearer that way. /hugs!
and by the way you may have me confused with someone else. i dont know anyone from Albuquerque and my boy doesnt have a sg account. but you seem nice.
with regards,
Rory