daria

sometimes I wish I could just have a break from things.
you know? things, life, business, work, fun, friends, boyfriends, money, just sleep for a week and forget about being rejected and forget about the struggle you have to put up every time you walk out of your door.
this country is definitely not too friendly with me, if you know what I mean.
and if you don't, here is the explanation:
if you want completely innocently stay with your friends in the house you've been painting for the past week, working to the best of your possibilities on art projects and movies and performing with talented companies for no big money, even paying taxes for all this..... well, forget about it.
you have to present to some people who have no idea about what your job is or what you can really do, a collection of published fashion magazines with your name on them in order to prove that you're worthed staying and doing your business.
of course, the fact that you don't give a shit about conventional press and fashion is not a big deal.
not to mention the necessary cleansing of half of my portfolio due to daring subject matters.
fine art is a term they don't quite have in their vocabularies. not to mention pornography.
on the other hand, it's really easy to find bullshit schools to give money to in order to work off the books for as long as you want, and if you decide to stay forever, it's really easy to just stay and just be careful about not getting caught, or getting married paying some money to somebody who will probably try to fuck you over for quite some time.
me?
I don't know what's going to happen. I'm not ready to go back to itly with the charge of old friendships and work I'd find. I feel I could do good around here, I am working hard, I have performances planned out in the spring, I'm busting my ass and still, the main way I have to make money is waiting tables.
well, might as well get married.