darcsaint

I'm in need to send out some digital spew: If you don't like my whinging about my life, do move along without comment...I've probably heard it, and I don't care.

In the quiet, in the dark, unknown and alone. This is what I have brought myself to: this is what I'm comfortable with now.

I hate nu-metal...it all sounds like pointless whining to me, a cross of country sadness with guitar distortion and the sensibilities of a scorned boy band. But you know what? My life isn't all that different than what I hear in nu-metal. This amuses me to no end.

Tangents and triumphs, loneliness and wonder, Cassandra's foresight and Faust's frustration. This is my life, and I'm caught between needing change and wanting to be who I am now.

"And you wander back and forth in this portable bombshelter built of booze and ups, sure. Proof against the grosser emotions, yes? ... Proof against fear and being alone. Listen to the fear. Maybe it's your friend."

- Ratz, Neuromancer (Gibson)

The fear...the fear that I'll end up like many of my coworkers...comfortable, alone, and so bored with my life that ennui would be an adventure. I go to work each day, and I see these people...it's like any sort of passion, any gift of wonderment has left them, and in its place is left the cold comfort of the routine, the stability of stagnation, and the loneliness of no real social life.

This entry needs to be finished, but I don't think it'll get done tonight. More to come, watch this space.