darbly

Add some pics of my art go check it out and tell me what you think. This is stuff I've done in classes here and there mainly quick studies an hour or so at the most the drawings are more like 10 mins

Went to my appointment. Yep. Started shaking when I was telling the Doctor why I was there. My heart racing and everything start, I speaking really fast which I never do so... yeah. Not fun. She said that it sound like to her that I have been suffering from overwhelming anxiety probably since I was a child. Which sound about right to me. So we're going to do hypnotherapy. We start with one today and it was pretty interesting it felt (if I was doing it right) more like meditation to me. I was defiantly always aware of where I was(on a couch in a doctor's office) I could hear the cars outside and the rain falling on the roof. I laid there in a super relaxed state as she talk me though it. She told me to find, well what I'm going to call 'My Happy Place' because i can't remember what she called it and I'm a Palahnuik fan. Where was my happy place? A Christmas Tree Farm. Yep. Don't know why that's what I saw, it was cold, wet and Christmas trees as far as the eye could see. Mountains filled beautiful douglas fir the sky was grey and the ground muddy. Just quiet and peacefulness. This was where the one who knows everything that was right for me was at in my mind. I asked it to show itself to me as she had told me to but it never did. The doctor told me to ask it if it would help be my guide. It didn't answer but I told her I feel like it will. The doctor told me to ask it to show me things and it did. It showed me two things the first was a white flag waving which meaning I think is clear, surrender. The second came in fuzzy at first and took a long time to get into focus. When it finally did thousands of them started falling showering down from the sky. They where puzzle pieces. This I don't understand. Of course the doctor told me what she thought it meant. I just think I my mind liking to play games. Anyways we'll see how this game is played. I'm not one to give up so easily.

So my job might be ending, BULLSHIT! they said when they hired us that the job was thru January something like towards the end of the month. Hopefully I'll hear differently and they will keep me on but who knows. In the mean time I'll be looking for a new job.

On top of that my grandparents coming into town tomorrow which means will have a full house YAY just what my anxiety needs. Woo hoo can't wait! where didn't I put that doctor's number again?

Song on my mind "Japanese Gum" Her Space Holiday

I used to know this girl
Who gave her love away
To every guy she met
With all the games they played
She never seemed to cry
She never got upset
And one by one they came
And one by one they left

I thought that I could fix her
If she would let me in
But all of my advances
Were shut down in the end
When days turned into months
I begged her to explain
And this is what she sang

It's not like I'm a slut
Or that I really like to fuck
I just want every boy I see
To walk away with part of me
Until there's nothing left to hold
Until there's nothing left to hate
I appreciate your help
But even you can't save me from myself

I used to know this boy
Who took notes in a book
But he ripped out all the pages
Before I got a look
At all the words he scribbled
At all the lines he filled
But the ink stains on his fingers
Told me he was skilled

At capturing a feeling
That most of us just miss
The simple pain of living
With goodbyes on our lips
I found one of the pages
Crumpled by her bed
And this is how it read

It's not like I am weak
Or that I don't know how to leave
It's just that every time you cheat
You bring me closer to defeat
Until there's nothing left to love
Until there's nothing left to say
I know that you need help
But even I can't save you from yourself