danu

i feel guilty for not keeping up....

tonight was the first night i actually vocalized an interest in separating with my bf and father of my child.
mostly because we want different things sexualy.
i need the freedom to be w/ women and not feel inhibited as far as fantasies and verbalizing how i feel sexualy.
I WAS RAISED FUCKING HARDCORE CATHOLIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i need to fucking let it out already!
gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
i want to be a part of a dungeon club and marry someone who has agreed to an open relationship w/ me. i want to believe that free love and stability can go hand in hand with me in the middle!
fuck!
im very scarred to leave my "perfect" nuclear family lifestyle.
i have to do it to be happy.
dont i deserve to have that "in love " feeling.
doesnt my bf deserve someone that is actually attracted to him?
why prolong death? this relationsip is sinking fast and if i dont just im going to get sunk.
is anyone out there happily in an open relationship?