dannydmc

"I've been down in this world, down and almost broken
Like thousands of people, left standing in their shoe
I've been down in this world, down and almost broken
As thousands they grieve, as the Black Friday rule

The buildings they shake but my heart it beats still
Oh mother of Jesus, I feel pretty ill
I want to go home where my feet both feel safe
But there ain't no jobs in the old free state

So I must remain in my new adopted land
I'm doing the best, Hell I'm doin' all I can
So next time you see me, don't ask for my name
For I am the King and sure long may I reign"

Black Friday Rule; by Flogging Molly


There, some old Flogging Molly to sum up how I've been feeling as of late. I apologize for not having updated this sooner(as if I have many readers anyway!) but I hit rock bottom last Friday while teaching and, to be honest, the last thing you all want to hear is me pissing and moaning about my problems!

The bottom hitting was actually a blessing in disguise, anyway. Its only after you've managed to fall apart and allowed your demons out that your ever truly able to move on and rebuild. Its never a pleasent experience, of course, but its something that one needs to do.

In my case, I was faced with a tough decision. I had, more or less, been told that I can not teach and that I'm doing everything wrong. To make matters worse, I'd been doubting myself for weeks before and the incident only confirmed my worst fears. I was left nearly in tears(which is a rather embarrising place to be when your a 22 year old male, let me tell you).

After it all, I figured I could do one of three things: I could either just call it quits, throw in the towel and be done with it. I could become angry and allow that anger to motivate me for the next few months, allow it to rule around in my gut and motivate me out of sheer spite, no matter the cost. Or, I could put my nose to the grindstone, take from being yelled at what ever it was of value that I could and simply try harder and also try to enjoy my remaining time in the classroom.

The entire decision was sub-concious, I never remember thinking to myself "ok, I'm going to do it this way". In fact, I was pretty sure I was going to go the Increadible Hulk method(don't get me angry, you wouldn't LIKE me when I'm angry). until I stepped foot in the classroom on Monday and everything went.....pretty decent. The kinds were discussing the presentation we'd had earlier in the day, and I found that I was smiling and having a good time. Somehow, option C worked out for me after all.

So; things are going much better for me at the moment, although they are no where near perfect. I'm still lonely and am trying to make friends in the region, although that is proving damn difficult with my schedual, and I'd like to find some girl out there who is actually interesting. For that matter, I'm still not sure if I want to teach; I enjoy it(believe it or not), but politics, government and such keeps calling to me. To qoute another song, this one by the County Singers "Big and Rich" "You gotta want it, you gotta me hungry" or something along those lines. And I am hungry; the current election has proven than beyond a shadow of a doubt, I want to be in office so damn bad I can taste it.