dannydmc

I have an embarrassing story to relate. One which I'm not particularly proud of, but one which, now that I look back on it, provided a certain amount of humor value at the very least.

So, a few weeks ago I ran into a girl who I hadn't seen in a year. I should also state from the beginning that I had a huge crush on her from the first time I met her. Unfortuantely, she had a boyfriend at the time and, right around the time they broke up, she began student teaching and I lost track of her for an entire year.
St. Patrick's Day came and, out of the blue, I ran into her at the bar. We made plans to get together a bit later and come, two monday's ago, we did just that. Now, I should say from the beginning, that I didn't expect much to come from it; I had a policy against chasing crushes, because in my experience it never seems to work out. I planned on hanging out with her, and admitting the crush. However, I didn't expect her to feel the same way in the least; likely she'd say that I wasn't her type. I expected this would hurt a bit, but, once it was all out in the open, it would pass quickly, and things would be fine.
This is not the way it happened. We got together at a local restraunt for a few drinks and, I quickly noticed that she was flirting with me pretty hardcore (when a girl calls you sexy, its pretty easy to notice!) We ended up having a great evening, talked about actually getting into a relationship, and the night ended with me walking her to her car and getting a good 10 minutes of kissing out of the deal.
As I said, I'd had a crush on her for about two years. To have things suddenly seeming to work out ... I was floating on cloud 9 for the rest of the week.

So, everything sounds like it worked out just fine, right? Right? Ha! No chance.

A week later we got together again, only things had changed. She admitted to being embarrassed about the entire situation, said she normally doesn't act like that, wasn't looking for a relationship, and that she hadn't ever done the moving from friendship to dating thing before (this caught me a bit surpised. Although we knew each other from classes, we hadn't ever hung out outside of school.)
This was all rather confusing. First of all, a week earlier the girl had all but thrown herself at me, and not seemed reserved. Secondly, it seemed as if the signals were mixed; basically saying she needed time to get used to the idea of moving from friendship to dating, and then saying she hadn't been looking for a relationship.
Honestly, I think this is one of the, unintentionally, meanest things that have happened to me in a long time.

I'm ashamed to admit that I didn't handel it well. Although I held my composure during the 'date', I returned home, was invited over by a friend for some beer and proceeded to suffer a complete emotional reversion. The entire experience reminded me of something which would have happened to me back in High School. Possibly with this in mind, I ended up flashing back ten years and basicly reverted to the way I used to act at that unfortunate time of my life.
In other words ... I went full blown Emo (not that that term was used much when I was in High School, but it should give the general gist). The only thing that was missing is that I, at no point, ran back to my apartment to write really bad poetry, nor did I run on-line and piss and moan about my life all night. The later, I admit, resulted from my foresight in not turning my computer on after stubling back to my apartment.
It was utterly embarrassing. I haven't acted like that in over ten years.

On the bright side, the more I thought about it the next day or two, I came to realize it stemmed from a growing concern about my age as well as a lot of the responsibilities being thrown at me in Grad School, as well as my parents pushing me to graduate as soon as possible. The stress of it all, combined with the entire crush thing just finally pushed me over the edge.
Now that I realize what happened, I can, at the least, make some changes to my life style to fix it.