dannydmc

Well Christmas has come and gone and so far I've been enjoying myself immensly on break; although I'm about as restless and cooped up as a man can be. Where once I was surrounded by friends here, with things to do, I am now left with few besides my own family to hang out with. We're a close knit bunch and so this, generally, isn't a problem, but its beginning to get to me. I want to drive and visit other friends around the country but, sadly, my money skills are not what they should be and I'm now poor; despite having a high salery job. I agaonized over getting the new Pixie CD I wanted (I've just gotten into this band and love them).
For New Years Eve I'm traveling down to Madison to meet a friend of mine who I haven't seen in a year and a half. We were close friends in High School (sort of; I openly admitted wanting to date her, but it never worked out), but drifted apart during college. A large part of this, I think looking back, was my own choice; she had been so important to me in HS that I wanted to distance myself from her and see what other fish where in the sea, so to speak. We met before I left for Alaska and then I didn't hear from her until a few months ago when she sent me a box of stuff for Halloween. It should be a fun time, we plan on getting spectacularly drunk (we've never drank together before) and then I'm crashing at her place for a few nights.
Of course my Dad, upon hearing this, started making cryptic references such as "hmmmm, something might happen". The worst thing is not that I think he's right, because I don't, but that there is a part of me that almost wishes 'something' would. Part of it is just the unresolved business from years ago, I know, but I think a larger part of it is just that after the last few months in Alaska and 2 and a half years without a date, I'm desperately lonely. I hate to admit that, of course, but its the truth and, as usual when I'm feeling this way, there seems no escape from it in the foreseeable future. I need to get back to college so fast, it isn't even funny.
Today me and my Dad traveled down to Beloit to visit his family and, as usual, it proved to be an eye opening experience for me. Its weird, although I have long noted that me and my Dad are very much alike (although with some very key differences) I'd always held the belief that I took more after my Mother's side of the family. Mostly this is because I was raised around her side of the family more and also because they are generally likably, laid back, hard working country-folk; who could ever want to be more? I've begun to find, however, that this really isn't the case; the more members I meet of my Dad's family I'm coming to sense one thing above all else:

Recognition.

Oh, I'm a bit softer than most of them, having not grown up in a rougher town and also having had a very stable family life. But, when I look into their eyes and talk to them I swear that I feel more comfortable around that group than I have any others in a long time. Its not not we all look alike (although most of us do), or that we even act alike; its that we even seen to generally view the world in a similiar way. I met my Cousin Steve today and his constant references to the "family temper" or the "women of the family" are the exact sort of things I'd been saying for years; all of this was good ot hear, because I'd always been afraid I was making it all up and no one else saw things this way. When I shared a story of the last time I lost my temper (and it really was the last time; I've learnt my lesson) and broke my foot while trying to kick a bathroom sink off of the wall (it had been a VERY bad day) it was met with, not derision or horror as has happened when I usually tell this story, but with a firm head nod and understanding. It was....enlightening.
My Dad's family are good people, but there is a darkness which runs through that family. Although we may tolerate the light, some more so than others, we all have a tendency of feeling more comfortable in the shadows. I don't mean this in a moral way, very few members are 'immoral' in the typical sense of the word, but.........I don't really know exactly what I mean; all I know is that the image hodls merit for some reason.

Anyway, I'm going to sign off. I'm still feeling restless and jittery...I think I'm going to go walk a trough in the floor.