Yesterday was a special occasion I call "2000 Days Since I Last Said 'I Love You.'" I separated from my ex on July 1st, 2002, and have thus been single for the last 2000 days. 2000 straight days of being afraid to admit an attraction to someone for fear of how wrong it could go. 51 straight nights sleeping alone.
Yeah, there was an incident. And the emo-ness of the previous paragraph is somewhat thrown off by the clear need to shout "What up!" and demand a high five. I'm not sorry.
So for the 1000 day mark (March 26, 2005--there's a blog about it if, for some freak reason, you're curious), my first ten minutes of consciousness contained enough heartbreak and aggravation to trigger a mild psychotic episode. My 12 hour shift at the Moviedome calmed me down some, as 12 hours in a concrete bunker are wont to do, and then Masquerade came by for a truly spectacular bender. This time around, I had a much shorter work shift (the advantages of office jobs) I got dragged out to the mall by AC, who then swung by for drinking and TV. However, certain... incidents last weekend mean that I have lowered my alcohol intake, so there was much less drinking than last time.
What I feel is interesting about this whole, sulky, boring-to-the-outside-world-I'm-sure 1000-day brood experience is that everything that was bringing me down on day 1000 is back for day 2000. The characters have changed, sure, but it's the same basic stories. In 2005, I had fallen for a friend I was sure I couldn't have, and was afraid to say anything for fear of damaging what relationship we had. Today: new girl, same shit. I even came to know her through the exact same circumstances as last time. In 2005, it was a plumbing malfunction (broken toilet) that pushed me over the edge. Today, I have no hot water and won't for several hours.
I am not, however, freaking out to nearly the same extent. No psychotic breaks, no ranting, no dream of happiness tearing my heart from my chest. To sum up, Day 2000 was far less dramatic than Day 1000... but also far less giddy in the final hours.
I know. I almost never update these days. Gotta warn you, that's probably going to get worse before it gets better.
"All of this has happened before, and will happen again."
-The Cylons
Yeah, there was an incident. And the emo-ness of the previous paragraph is somewhat thrown off by the clear need to shout "What up!" and demand a high five. I'm not sorry.
So for the 1000 day mark (March 26, 2005--there's a blog about it if, for some freak reason, you're curious), my first ten minutes of consciousness contained enough heartbreak and aggravation to trigger a mild psychotic episode. My 12 hour shift at the Moviedome calmed me down some, as 12 hours in a concrete bunker are wont to do, and then Masquerade came by for a truly spectacular bender. This time around, I had a much shorter work shift (the advantages of office jobs) I got dragged out to the mall by AC, who then swung by for drinking and TV. However, certain... incidents last weekend mean that I have lowered my alcohol intake, so there was much less drinking than last time.
What I feel is interesting about this whole, sulky, boring-to-the-outside-world-I'm-sure 1000-day brood experience is that everything that was bringing me down on day 1000 is back for day 2000. The characters have changed, sure, but it's the same basic stories. In 2005, I had fallen for a friend I was sure I couldn't have, and was afraid to say anything for fear of damaging what relationship we had. Today: new girl, same shit. I even came to know her through the exact same circumstances as last time. In 2005, it was a plumbing malfunction (broken toilet) that pushed me over the edge. Today, I have no hot water and won't for several hours.
I am not, however, freaking out to nearly the same extent. No psychotic breaks, no ranting, no dream of happiness tearing my heart from my chest. To sum up, Day 2000 was far less dramatic than Day 1000... but also far less giddy in the final hours.
I know. I almost never update these days. Gotta warn you, that's probably going to get worse before it gets better.
"All of this has happened before, and will happen again."
-The Cylons
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
masquerade:
And the fleeing from the concert because we hate that bar led to much less of my participation. I'm glad you're not wigging out so much this time, though.
masquerade:
Right, yes. Originally you had been going to move the "celebration" to the Friday (or at least so you said during the part of the garglebalaster night that you don't remember). The actual night was a Thursday. I would only have been able to watch you drink because I am NOT going to work hung over again. The morning after Party-Like-It's-Monday was quite enough, thank you.