Ooooooooooooogggggggggggiwhshoshdf, just ate too many fried potatoes. I knew I was doing it but kept eating them anyway because goddamn they're yummy and I haven't made them in a while.
Interesting weekend just passed. Went to Petawawa on Friday to see some old friends, one was having a birthday party. Petwawa is... an interesting place. My teenage years were spent drinking in the woods, taking acid and climbing on military tanks, and hanging out with men way too old to be spending their time with teenaged girls. But it's Petawawa. It will never change.
My eldest sister is still there, and I've kept sort of in touch with two of the girls I was friends with, so I'll get invited back sometimes for weddings and things. All of my old girlfriends are now fat and have at least one child. It takes a lot of booze or drugs before we manage to find a common ground again. And I need to quell my tongue from commenting on just about anything. I don't want to talk about the same stuff we did when we were 15. I don't remember event for event everything that happened at the birthday party 10 years ago. I HATE CCR and crap music like that. I've moved on.
It was really nice to spend time with a couple of these people, and see that, beyond our differences and changes, they will always be my friend. But the biggest thing is, they have NO idea who their friend is. They think they have open minds, but if I was to even mention things that I see as inconsequential or incidental events in my life, they wouldn't even know what to think.
If I was to tell them I was a member of this site, they wouldn't know what to think. Let alone if I was to then mention things like Fetish Balls. Sex came up a few times, and my sister said "I think I've done pretty much everything you can do", yet then when our friend embarassingly admitted she'd had a threesome with two guys, my sister was shocked. I kept my mouth shut during all of this, because if I was to say anything it would have been, "well, when it comes to sex, I'm a submissive bitch who loved it when my last lover told me that he wanted to smash my head into the wall and fuck me until I bled. Oh, and I'm thinking of getting into bondage porn"
I know everyone has secrets and things they can't talk about in front of other people. But the reason these differences hit me so much is that my sister and friend were being totally real. And I was holding so much back. I didn't talk about myself at all, beyond telling them that I hate my job when they asked about it. They seem happy, or happy enough, living these lives that I would loathe. I feel trapped when I'm in that town for more than a day. I cut my visits short and just hop on a bus, take a deep breath, and relax.
At least I got to see my Tia for a bit last night. She's been my best friend for 9 years. She's living in Pembroke right now, but not for much longer. She knows if she's there any longer, she won't be able to leave anymore.
When I went to the bus station to buy my ticket, I had to fight an urge to buy a ticket for somewhere else instead, go somewhere where I don't know anyone or anything and just have a weekend to myself. Maybe I'll do that soon.
Interesting weekend just passed. Went to Petawawa on Friday to see some old friends, one was having a birthday party. Petwawa is... an interesting place. My teenage years were spent drinking in the woods, taking acid and climbing on military tanks, and hanging out with men way too old to be spending their time with teenaged girls. But it's Petawawa. It will never change.
My eldest sister is still there, and I've kept sort of in touch with two of the girls I was friends with, so I'll get invited back sometimes for weddings and things. All of my old girlfriends are now fat and have at least one child. It takes a lot of booze or drugs before we manage to find a common ground again. And I need to quell my tongue from commenting on just about anything. I don't want to talk about the same stuff we did when we were 15. I don't remember event for event everything that happened at the birthday party 10 years ago. I HATE CCR and crap music like that. I've moved on.
It was really nice to spend time with a couple of these people, and see that, beyond our differences and changes, they will always be my friend. But the biggest thing is, they have NO idea who their friend is. They think they have open minds, but if I was to even mention things that I see as inconsequential or incidental events in my life, they wouldn't even know what to think.
If I was to tell them I was a member of this site, they wouldn't know what to think. Let alone if I was to then mention things like Fetish Balls. Sex came up a few times, and my sister said "I think I've done pretty much everything you can do", yet then when our friend embarassingly admitted she'd had a threesome with two guys, my sister was shocked. I kept my mouth shut during all of this, because if I was to say anything it would have been, "well, when it comes to sex, I'm a submissive bitch who loved it when my last lover told me that he wanted to smash my head into the wall and fuck me until I bled. Oh, and I'm thinking of getting into bondage porn"
I know everyone has secrets and things they can't talk about in front of other people. But the reason these differences hit me so much is that my sister and friend were being totally real. And I was holding so much back. I didn't talk about myself at all, beyond telling them that I hate my job when they asked about it. They seem happy, or happy enough, living these lives that I would loathe. I feel trapped when I'm in that town for more than a day. I cut my visits short and just hop on a bus, take a deep breath, and relax.
At least I got to see my Tia for a bit last night. She's been my best friend for 9 years. She's living in Pembroke right now, but not for much longer. She knows if she's there any longer, she won't be able to leave anymore.
When I went to the bus station to buy my ticket, I had to fight an urge to buy a ticket for somewhere else instead, go somewhere where I don't know anyone or anything and just have a weekend to myself. Maybe I'll do that soon.
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I've spent times like that at the train station, or the airport for that matter. On a connecting flight recently, it was announced, "For KC, transfer here. If you're off to California, stay on this plane." And for what seemed like a lifetime, I just didn't move.
One of these days I won't.
They already have my Pirates of the Carribbean.