I've been a bit AWOL because... well, that's pretty much how I'm feeling lately. Really self-conscious, lonely, and useless. Extremely apathetic towards everything. I don't get out of my apartment, and I just can't seem to make myself do anything. I haven't been going to class, or going for walks, or anything. Watch tv mindlessly, play WoW, sometimes visit/be visited by R. This is my entire life.
I should have more friends here. I know a lot of people, sure, but I'd been away for so so long before moving home last year. The people I was close to have their own things happening now, and no time for me lately. Everyone else is just an acquaintance. R is the only person I can really rely on, and sometimes I just can't take her either. But then how am I supposed to meet people? I get really anxious around other people, and end up shutting everyone out. No one ever approaches me, and it's too hard to work up the courage to talk to people I don't know. If I could meet some people in my classes I'm sure I'd be more motivated to go, and get really into it.
I don't know. I'm just sitting around waiting to leave for a mid-term (which I can't imagine will go well) and thinking. I've been thinking that this isn't just anxiety anymore, and it's not full-on clinical depression. It's got to be something else, and I've got to see my doctor soon. I want to talk to him about dysthymia, because I feel like that could be my issue. Uneducated guess, I suppose. That's why I want to talk to him. Everything I've read about it fits me to a tee.
My colposcopy appointment is in 8 days, and I'm starting to get a little panicked about that as well.
I should have more friends here. I know a lot of people, sure, but I'd been away for so so long before moving home last year. The people I was close to have their own things happening now, and no time for me lately. Everyone else is just an acquaintance. R is the only person I can really rely on, and sometimes I just can't take her either. But then how am I supposed to meet people? I get really anxious around other people, and end up shutting everyone out. No one ever approaches me, and it's too hard to work up the courage to talk to people I don't know. If I could meet some people in my classes I'm sure I'd be more motivated to go, and get really into it.
I don't know. I'm just sitting around waiting to leave for a mid-term (which I can't imagine will go well) and thinking. I've been thinking that this isn't just anxiety anymore, and it's not full-on clinical depression. It's got to be something else, and I've got to see my doctor soon. I want to talk to him about dysthymia, because I feel like that could be my issue. Uneducated guess, I suppose. That's why I want to talk to him. Everything I've read about it fits me to a tee.
My colposcopy appointment is in 8 days, and I'm starting to get a little panicked about that as well.
It's really unfortunate that you haven't been able to find 20-30 minutes to spend with Mother Nature. Just look outside, if you see her I bet she begs you to come outside. Sometimes I feel there are times in my life when things clearly aren't going for me and I step back from the whole big picture and just have a look at what's actually going on. Most of the time when I am feeling recluse it's for good reason... imbalance. Twenty minutes surrounded by nature might help fix that.
When it comes to meeting new people I'm in the exact same boat as you, and if it wasn't for the fact that I go to school I'd never meet anyone new. I pretty much force myself to interact with my other classmates in my GenEd classes.
It IS February too, and the lack of daily sunshine and constant gray skies doesn't help either. Spring is around the corner though. I'm really grateful that you're here, and I don't even know you. Just keep your head up, the world is full of beautiful people. If you ever need an unbiased third-party to vent to, I'm always here.
~love~
braden <6
I can't really fill in for anything because Braden just told this so... well.
Just remember that, as for meeting new people, you are as eager and insecure as the next person to meet somebody. Just drop your pencil in front of somebody. look at his\her shirt and tell him that you love it, Even A siple smile should do the trick.
Well, I relly hope you find the courage to turn that mean doorknob now, it feels like you need it.
Go git her tiger !