daniellejolie

"Get about as oiled as a diesel train
Gonna set this dance alight
`Cause Saturday night's the night I like
Saturday night's alright alright alright"

Unlike Sir Elton John in this classic song i am rendered completely umphless this Saturday. I'm totally having a down day/night. I'm not sad or anything i just have alot on my mind.

Last night my brother returned home from being unfairly jailed in a Thai prison. He's been there for four months! It's a hazy fog of a story.. i'm still not sure of the beginning or the middle... but i know the end. The end is: now my funnest brother has returned to us a shell of his former self. He is malnourished and has sores all over his rail thin body. Despite the physical stuff it seems to me that my beloved brother Mark has been maddened by the experience. When he speaks his eyes shift from side to side and many of the stories he has told have had a conspiracy theorist's tone.

I worry for him... i am deeply worried. what if he never snaps out of this? What if he can't put the pieces together. What if he is broken and unfixable? These are questions that i am asking on his behalf... but i ask them for myself too? While i was not physically imprisoned... sometimes i feel like a prisoner of circumstance... constantly comprising myself and my desires for reasons that have nothing to do with me.

Maybe that is why i'm not amped up today. Maybe I am taking on bits of my brother's burden.

What i've learn from this, (it may be the daftest of points but still a lesson in an of itself), clarity of mind is the most valuable thing that one can posses. I'd pray to any mighty force on this planet to preserve mine because right now i feel mine is a bit clouded.