My Brain is about to shut down permanently. Between all the things on my mind this past week, the burning question on my brain for the past three weeks, and the lack of sleep the last two nights, my brain is a little tired. To say the least, anyway.
A vague introspective to the "big" thing:
The opportunity is there to be "whole". To live the life I'm told to live, and have all the things I'm told to want. I have the chance now to help not only myself but two other people in the process, which likewise "helps" me in the grand scheme of things. Rounds me out in ways that most of the people my age couldn't imagine, or don't want to imagine because it's not something they want in their lives just yet.
There is a flipside to every coin in this world, though. The good meets the bad. The joy meets the pain. For all the good things that this opportunity brings me, it brings me a bitter resentment and confrontation with a choice that I made long ago. Take me a step away from what I wanted more than three years in the past. Not that I would recind my decision at all, but it's right under my nose in a way that bugs me on multiple levels. I don't like the exposure, and I don't agree with the exposure of the impressionable to it.
With certain decisions come responsibilities, and obligations, and I don't think that you are fulfilling yours. Not even to the lowest common denominator. My sympathy lends itself out to easily, and I want to see things set right all around me, but I don't know if I can have any more influence on this one.
Yes, its a little more than vague, Im sure.
It's only supposed to make sense to me.
A vague introspective to the "big" thing:
The opportunity is there to be "whole". To live the life I'm told to live, and have all the things I'm told to want. I have the chance now to help not only myself but two other people in the process, which likewise "helps" me in the grand scheme of things. Rounds me out in ways that most of the people my age couldn't imagine, or don't want to imagine because it's not something they want in their lives just yet.
There is a flipside to every coin in this world, though. The good meets the bad. The joy meets the pain. For all the good things that this opportunity brings me, it brings me a bitter resentment and confrontation with a choice that I made long ago. Take me a step away from what I wanted more than three years in the past. Not that I would recind my decision at all, but it's right under my nose in a way that bugs me on multiple levels. I don't like the exposure, and I don't agree with the exposure of the impressionable to it.
With certain decisions come responsibilities, and obligations, and I don't think that you are fulfilling yours. Not even to the lowest common denominator. My sympathy lends itself out to easily, and I want to see things set right all around me, but I don't know if I can have any more influence on this one.
Yes, its a little more than vague, Im sure.
It's only supposed to make sense to me.