I've been reading romance novels lately, and not just for the smutty parts.
Fascinating.
I used to be intimidated by the male characters in romance novels. I used to snort at the women (One of whom is my sister) who read them. Like most guys, and a substantial percentage of women, I found them absurd, unrealistic, and borderline sexist.
After years of studying relationships, I'm reading them in a different light.
Yes, the situations and characters are often unrealistic. But if you look past the surface details, the psychological and emotional processes at work are consistent with what I hear from women about attraction and relationships. And why shouldn't they be? They're written (mostly) by women for women (mostly--dating writers notwithstanding).
Romance novels are a stylized version of what happens in real life, the same way pro-wrestling--even though it isn't real--is a distorted reflection of the psychology of guy-on-guy conflict.
Look at the romantic hero. Set aside the cowboy/firefighter/Navy SEAL/vampire with a troubled past for a moment and you notice that a lot of the guys in these novels share a few universal traits...all of which it would benefit the average guy on the street to possess in some capacity in order to have a happy relationship. He doesn't necessarily need a LOT of it, but he needs to show some ability to, say, make his own decisions or demonstrate a willingness to make a commitment.
So what are those qualities?
Umm...I'm working on it. In a lot of ways, it's more of an attitude or approach to life than a list of qualities. But mostly it has to do with being unafraid to go after what you want while showing the ability to care about others.
I'm telling you, I'm on to something.
Fascinating.
I used to be intimidated by the male characters in romance novels. I used to snort at the women (One of whom is my sister) who read them. Like most guys, and a substantial percentage of women, I found them absurd, unrealistic, and borderline sexist.
After years of studying relationships, I'm reading them in a different light.
Yes, the situations and characters are often unrealistic. But if you look past the surface details, the psychological and emotional processes at work are consistent with what I hear from women about attraction and relationships. And why shouldn't they be? They're written (mostly) by women for women (mostly--dating writers notwithstanding).
Romance novels are a stylized version of what happens in real life, the same way pro-wrestling--even though it isn't real--is a distorted reflection of the psychology of guy-on-guy conflict.
Look at the romantic hero. Set aside the cowboy/firefighter/Navy SEAL/vampire with a troubled past for a moment and you notice that a lot of the guys in these novels share a few universal traits...all of which it would benefit the average guy on the street to possess in some capacity in order to have a happy relationship. He doesn't necessarily need a LOT of it, but he needs to show some ability to, say, make his own decisions or demonstrate a willingness to make a commitment.
So what are those qualities?
Umm...I'm working on it. In a lot of ways, it's more of an attitude or approach to life than a list of qualities. But mostly it has to do with being unafraid to go after what you want while showing the ability to care about others.
I'm telling you, I'm on to something.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
Azadeth, normally I don't do this, but I'm cranky today and this my blog not a public forum, so I'm going to call you on your bullshit.
"What's odd is that you seem to think that a significant number of women actually read that crap,"
FYI, romance novels are is far and away the best-selling fiction genre, accounting for over half of total sales. And it isn't men that are buying them.
" that they at least possess the mindset to be affected by it.'
Women are not brainless creatures being 'affected' by romance novels. They read them because they like them. Your implication that they are otherwise is as chauvinistic as anything I've written
"Well actually, very many women appreciate GOOD writing...."
That's true. Although good is a value judgement.
"...about things other than getting drilled by perfect masculine specimens,"
not what romance novels are about. There's sex, but it's typically accompanied by a strong emotional connection unlike say, erotica.
" and if I were such a woman, I'd find this little project of yours sexist and insulting."
You are not a woman. But I'm sure they appreciate you speaking for them.
Thanks for taking the time to comment, Azadeth. I needed to snap at someone today, and I appreciate you being there.