A decent enough night at Hi Fi, walked with a hundred bucks, which is great for a Tuesday night. Shot a few games of pool with David, and then when work was done he came with me to Three O Cups, where I indulged my pointless (and baseless, beyond the fact of her beauty) crush on Kate the bartender. Yes, Im a barstalker. Well, no. Considering I go in there once a week on average and stay for the space of a single beer, I cant really be said to be stalking her. Except that I only go there when shes working.fine. Im a stalker. Drank two beers, and smoked one of Davids cigarettes, which was pointless, except as a bit of social glue. I made the most naked admission of the year: I just want to belong somewhere. So true, and hasnt that been the story of my life?
Anyway, I didnt get to bed til 5 AM, and I was up at 11, so Im running a two hour sleep deficit thatll definitely be dogging me as I try to get anything done. Its time to do my hours sit, but thats just going to put me to sleep. Which is okay, I guess.
Yesterday afternoon I spent a few hours hacking away at ideas for THE DREAMING REAL, and I just dont know. Sometimes it seems cool, and others totally pointless. Julia Barnes is sort of an arbitrary focal characteror at least, I havent found a reason to focus on her yet. Sitting here now, Im remembering how long it took for LAPDANCE to come togethernor is it the first time Ive reminded myself of thatIm not sure what my hesitance is. Actually, thats not true. I hesitate because:
Writing is hard, and
Not writing well is terrifying, because it seems to call the whole future into question.
Starting seriously on an idea that doesnt seem a complete winner seems to guarantee that the writing will be more hard than fun (much more hard) and that a commensurate amount of terror and despair will followdespair that will me nigh insuperable, as I have no other resources (faith, a sex life, secure and loving relationships) to lean on.
Anyway, I didnt get to bed til 5 AM, and I was up at 11, so Im running a two hour sleep deficit thatll definitely be dogging me as I try to get anything done. Its time to do my hours sit, but thats just going to put me to sleep. Which is okay, I guess.
Yesterday afternoon I spent a few hours hacking away at ideas for THE DREAMING REAL, and I just dont know. Sometimes it seems cool, and others totally pointless. Julia Barnes is sort of an arbitrary focal characteror at least, I havent found a reason to focus on her yet. Sitting here now, Im remembering how long it took for LAPDANCE to come togethernor is it the first time Ive reminded myself of thatIm not sure what my hesitance is. Actually, thats not true. I hesitate because:
Writing is hard, and
Not writing well is terrifying, because it seems to call the whole future into question.
Starting seriously on an idea that doesnt seem a complete winner seems to guarantee that the writing will be more hard than fun (much more hard) and that a commensurate amount of terror and despair will followdespair that will me nigh insuperable, as I have no other resources (faith, a sex life, secure and loving relationships) to lean on.