dammage

got this in an email today thought it was funny

> >PET RULES
> >
> >To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.
> >
> >Dear Dogs and Cats,
> >The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The
other
> >dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in
> >the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming
your
> >food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the
slightest.
> >
> >The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
> >Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help
> >because I fall faster than you can run.
> >
> >I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
> >about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure
> >your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they
> >sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other
stretched
> >out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails
> >straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize
space
> >is nothing but sarcasm.
> >
> >For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
> >some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
> >necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw
under
> >the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same
door
> >I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or
> >feline attendance is not mandatory.
> >
> >The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I
> >cannot stress this enough!
> >
> >To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
> >front door:
> >
> >To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets
> >
> >1. They live here. You don't.
> >2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
> >(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
> >3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
> >4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who
is
> >short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
> >
> >Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
> >
> >1. Eat less
> >2. Don't ask for money all the time
> >3 Are easier to train
> >4. Usually come when called
> >5. Never drive your car
> >6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
> >7. Don't smoke or drink
> >8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions
> >9. Don't wear your clothes
> >10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and
> >11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
>