dahmer

Holly, I doubt you ever read this any more these days, but you were right. When you told me, "I think your mom fucked you up more than you know," you were so right. I'm a god damn mess. I don't think I'll ever be able to trust again. I don't think there will be a day were I can just fucking relax. Every move, every action and every word...analized and worried over. "Are you trying to lie to me? To hurt me?" This is what is always on my mind. All that I know is cloak and dagger shit. Fucking subterfuge. It's what I saw when I grew up. Mommy hiding her little fucking girl friend from the family. It was clear as day, yet hidden. Right in front of our eyes, we watched our mother lie, and we watched her cheat on our father, but she never even once admited it. Even on the fucking day she told us she was leaving, she never once fucking admitted to us about her sin, her fucking lies.

Did somebody take your tongue? In worries of the words that you couldn't say if they could've saved them from.

Was it too much to be honest with us? To give me some god damn closure? Well thanks a whole fucking lot, cause I'll never be able to trust again in my life. I'll always be on the look out for that lie, that hidden thing that is waiting just around the corner, waiting to ruin my life.

There will never be a day I can just fucking relax again.